Being the Parent to a Teenager with Special Needs is HARD!

My daughter was diagnosed with a Moderate Intellectual Disability (moderate mental retardation is the past way that it was referred to) at a young age and my world came to a halt. My daughter has a blog and I went through some of the things that I thought about when she was first diagnosed.

In summary, all my dreams went away for her future. I felt as though my child wouldn’t be normal and likely would have to live with me until I died. As a single mother, I didn’t (and still don’t) have a husband/boyfriend that could help me. I did, however, have family and friends that were always there as a listening ear. Although it took my family a while to understand what I was feeling and experiencing, some thinking that a good spanking would knock all her meltdowns out, they got it. They understood it and began to support me in many ways.

My daughter is now 14 and going to high school this next school year. I will not lie to you when I tell you that I am wrought with fear. Maybe it’s because I watch too much true crime or maybe I just know how bad this world is.

I tell people often that God gives kids with special needs to special people that he knows will protect them but even that thought is receding at this point. I always try to tell people that a teenager is hard but, when you have a child with special needs, you add a whole new topping of crazy onto it because, like most teenagers, they don’t understand what is going on and start to do things without thinking. This is a developmental fact for all children. Their brain is not completely developed so it’s just all a mess. Their priorities are different, their world is their friends, etc. I talked about this a bit in one of my other blogs Bipolar and Black but I won’t get too much into it again.

Anyhow, these are a few of my concerns as I have had a lot of time to think lately and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Love

Let’s be honest, it’s hard with or without special needs to find love. I have a fear that my daughter will never find love, get married, have a child, etc. These are some of the things I had to have a moratorium for when I found out about her special needs. I had to put a lot of plans to rest and people felt that I was being a pessimist but I really wasn’t. It’s reality.

My daughter of course has feelings and loves people and things. People love her as well. But there are also a number of people in this world that like to take advantage of people like her. I do not one her to be a single mother like me but I also know that I would have to be on hand to help her raise a child if she were to have a child.

When you think of children, then you have to think about sex and birth control. There are so many things you have to think about. When I worked in GYN, there was a mother that had a daughter with an intellectual disability and she wanted to get her sterilized. The child had Medicare and Medicare was like “We’re not covering that.” I’ve also seen a Law and Order: SVU episode where there was a young girl with Downs that got pregnant. She was molested by someone she worked for (another concern, OMG I have so many) but another guy wanted to help her raise the child and they were doing their best to keep the child and raise it on their own. I think the boy that decided to help also had special needs as well.

Anyhow, the mother wanted to abort the child but the girl didn’t want that. As a mom, you feel that you are the one that needs to make those decisions for your child that doesn’t know better but, the fact is that these children with special needs become adults with special needs. The most a parent can do is advocate for their child and try to make sure that they are prepared. These are hard situations that any parent would a fear of but, when you have a child with special needs that doesn’t know simple things, it gets to weigh on you a little more. And I know the government will help and all but I don’t want that. But it literally is just all a mess. In Law and Order: SVU, the girl got to keep her child and the guy that had molested her had to pay a butt load of money because he owned a bunch of supermarkets. But that’s not the real world. And no one would want their child molested by anyone; rich or poor.

In the end, it’s not about me. I truly just want the best for my daughter and it does stress me out a lot. Darn near every day, I stress about things like this.

Employment and Transportation

Yes, I know that there are a lot of jobs that people with special needs can do. I understand that concept and have been told about many programs through school and even from my therapist who works for The Arc. I honestly am just paranoid. I can get to work or whatever riding public transportation with no problems (I work from home or I drove when I didn’t).

That’s another moratorium I had to have. I had to watch my dream of my daughter learning how to drive go away. I would much rather her drive to work than catch public transportation. We live in the DC Metro Area and there are always shootings, stabbings, fights, etc on buses.

The school has had Metro come and also had us sit on the bus to learn about the things they have in place for people with special needs but man…. I just don’t know. I don’t know about anything. I’m just really paranoid when it comes to her which is why I put her in Taekwondo. I know she can defend herself but why does my mind instantly go to violence if she has to be out? I don’t let her out of my sight. It is something that I am really trying to work on but I don’t trust anyone. I don’t trust the world. I mean, look at it.

DORS

When my daughter started middle school, they told me about DORS and how it could help my daughter when she got into high school. Because of her disability, she will be in high school until she is 21. She will get a certificate of completion and not a diploma. DORS stands for Division of Disability Services. They help people with disabilities learn life skills, find housing and jobs, as well as many other useful services. They help them learn to advocate for themselves as well. They are funded through the state and federal government.

Because I am so paranoid, I went ahead and got in touch with them already (although the high schools work with them as well) and we set up an intake appointment via Zoom.

I will say that my appointment with them really put me at ease. I was told about all the programs and partnerships that they had available. I had no clue about some of the things she told me. One thing that I learned is that they work with many universities and have programs where they can actually go to college (I don’t know about this). One of the places she told me was across from Morgan State. She stated that the classes went from dog training (which Kie said she wanted to do because she helped train Gary) to mechanical work as well as child care. Kie is very good with kids

She also told me about a college just for people with special needs in Pennsylvania. I found some other resources that were making my heart swell with hope. One is here. The goal is to have the student have the college experience without feeling different. I had had a moratorium for sending my daughter to college a bit too early. That was one of my dreams for her as I didn’t get to go to college and live on campus. I obtained a degree and certifications but I did them all from home.

In addition to this, while they are in high school, they have the ability to have paid internships. My daughter has had a bank account since she was 2 so that’s cool. She can have her own money put directly into her account and she can help pay for all the food she eats.

Housing

As I mentioned, DORS works with other entities such as Melwood and The Arc. My therapist works for The Arc and has been working with me to give my daughter some freedom and teach her how to live on her own. I have actually been doing this a lot more than I was before. My therapist works with adults with disabilities and sometimes (the circle of life) their parents die and the adult is left to figure out life for themselves because their parents did everything for them.

There are so many programs out here for these young adults whose goal is to make the transition from living at home with their parents to being solo easy. It gives me a lot of hope. I am still paranoid BUT I do have a lot more hope now. Schools are really good at trying to help you with all this and I am very grateful to my daughter’s schools from Pre-K all the way to where she is now in the 9th grade. They try to help the parent in so many ways.

The smart thing to do is take advantage of these programs. When I talked to the woman at DORS, she stated that some people feel that their kids don’t need those services and are in denial. You can’t be in denial when it comes to advocating for your child and giving them the tools that they need to survive in this world.

I typed all this to say that I am coming down out of my paranoia. She needs a big dog though if she lives by herself. A HUGE dog like Gary. I don’t want anyone to think they can try to come to her house. I have also taught her that everything is a weapon. Listen, we are a bit hood and folks are off so we gotta get them before they get us.

 

My Seven Days of Exile from Facebook

Let me just start out by saying that Facebook is extra petty. By the time you guys get to see this, I will be back on Facebook because Facebook is mainly where I put my blogs for people to see. With that said, whatever algorithm they use, they need to do better. Not long ago, I got restricted from the site for seven days (but they changed it to 3 days after “reviewing” their decision) for literally saying that I do NOT HATE WHITE PEOPLE. Reading the context would be great but somehow, the real racists get to stay on Facebook and thrive with their racism.

I have literally seen violence against children, women, animals, etc on Facebook, reported the post, and they say it doesn’t go against their rules. What kind of mess is this? They will delete your live for having music in it but find it just fine to leave abuse posts up. People have gotten killed and raped on Facebook live but me saying that I DON’T hate White people got me restricted.

The Warning

Not too long ago, we were talking about the show 90 Day Fiance and we were discussing the fact that this old lady (could have been Jenny or one of the other old bitties on the show) had married a young guy and her child(ren) wasn’t happy about it. I posed the question to a member of the group “What if your old ass mom got with a young man, would you be good with that?” They flagged it as “bullying” or “hate speech”. I’m like “Really?” First of all, I wasn’t talking about the member, I was speaking in a hypothetical manner. I bet that even if I said that if my “Old ass mom” got with a young dude, I wouldn’t like it either”, I would have gotten a warning.

They literally have nothing to do with their time and now, thanks to them kicking me off for SEVEN days now, neither do I. I mean, I read more, watch Impractical Jokers, write blogs (that no one will really be able to read until I can get back on Facebook), and play my games.

Three (Supposed to be Seven) Day Restriction

This was another instance of NOT looking at context. I spoke of this in my other blog I Love My White Friends But This Has to be Said. I was literally telling them that, if I let what I knew about my history impact my love for my White friends, I would hate White people but I don’t. They “reviewed” their decision but whoever it is doesn’t know how to read. At this pivotal time in history, my voice needs to be heard on Facebook.

Now, while you guys think I am not important of a voice to be “heard” on Facebook, I actually am. I actually educate my friends on a daily basis. I have a LOT of multicultural friends. My friends are what I call a Rainbow Coalition because we are VERY honest and candid with one another when discussing race issues. Some of them are former coworkers. I have learned SO much from them and they have learned a lot from me. This interchange of ideas without judgment with the desire to learn is NECESSARY at this time in our history.

I work with White people and they ask me questions. Today, a coworker (who is also a Facebook friend) asked me about what we do on Juneteenth so I told her. She is Jewish so we talk a LOT about these things. I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and we talk about the Holocaust as well because people sometimes forget that Jehovah’s Witnesses were tortured, killed, and jailed because of their love for their brothers and sisters and their refusal to kill. They were the Purple Triangles. A lot of people don’t know that part of history. They just know that they don’t like them knocking on their doors (well, now they wish they were knocking on their doors because everything they had been talking about happening IS happening now). So, yes, it is important that I am there to add to the narrative to help educate people on our history.

People, somehow are just learning about these issues when we, as black people, have been staring them in our faces our whole lives. I am 40 years old but I can tell you about Emmett Till. I can tell you about Black Wall Street. Why? Because I am black and I had two sixth grade teachers at Fort Foote Elementary School that refused to let us fall through the cracks when it came to learning our history.

So, in the sixth grade, with my White best friend, Adrienne, I learned about coming to America from Africa and what happened to my ancestors after that. We had to watch Eyes on the Prize. If you TRULY want to know about Civil Rights, I STRONGLY suggest watching that documentary. There are many parts to it but that was where I first saw a picture of Emmett Till in his open casket. That is engraved in my brain forever. I will never forget it.

I also will never forget the stories of people being killed because some White woman lied and said they were raped by a Black person. I will never forget Black Wall Street and the fact that greed, jealousy, and lies led to it. I thank my teachers often for just ripping the Bandaid off because NONE of that was placed in any history book I had.

We’re out here fighting for LGBTQ+ classes but we need to talk about actual AMERICAN history. ALL of it. Yes, there can be an African American History class that can be an elective just like sex ed or whatever, but it needs to be taught at one point before exiting high school. Maybe have them read something over the summer or watch a movie over the summer and write their thoughts down so as not to deal with any repercussions (if there is rage involved because things like this enrage me and, even in college, I was enraged by the books I read for my African American Psychology classes but I am going to make a blog about that as well) that might result from the anger that it might bring.

My best friend, Adrienne apologized to me for it. She didn’t do it though and I loved her as a person. In elementary school, I didn’t care about race. I was not raised to think about race (I didn’t see color but people get offended by that phrase for some reason now). She was my friend and, although I was from a Black area, the NAACP had a rule in place that us bused to different schools. So we passed about four elementary schools to go to Fort Foote. I thank them for that rule. They changed it some years later but I believe that it served its purpose because I met Adrienne, Mr. Williams, and Mrs. Grate (they were Black teachers and they didn’t play about our history).

You see how all this information just flowed out of me via this blog? Facebook missed out because they wanna be petty.

My Seven Day Restriction

My seven day restriction was annoying but I will say that it was warranted. We have all these deaths and it’s really pissing us off but we’re STILL taking the high road. Anyhow, there are Black dudes out here defending cops shooting a fleeing suspect that is no longer a threat. No matter how many times it was explained that a taser doesn’t have the range of a gun and that this man was NO LONGER a threat, they still state that being shot in the back was warranted.

As a Black man, how could you say that? Everyone wasn’t right in the situation BUT it didn’t have to escalate to that point. And, for a Black man to sit there and feel that it was a justified shooting blew my mind. So, yeah, I said they were coons on a friend’s post. Facebook some stalkers, man. But it’s whatever. I have another account but it ain’t even worth it. I don’t even care. This is my time to reflect on my life and my history. It’s time for me to reflect on everything. There are a lot of blogs that are coming due to this reflection.

I took the time off my job and then we had more folks dying just like that. And then a White friend’s friend said that BLM had all these Black folks hang themselves to be a martyr. I wanted to throw everything and my friend straight up blocked her. Because we WENT IN. And her married name is Hernandez. Like how? But that’s a whole different blog.

Summary Time…

In then end, I had to fight my daughter to even use this computer so she’s in her room asleep because she’s mad but yeah these are just SOME of my thoughts right now. But Facebook is extra petty, for real. I don’t like them. I will probably only just use them to post my blogs. My voice isn’t important to them if they silence me every chance they get.

As usual, thanks for reading my blog and please share. I have a lot of content coming up including thinking about my daughter’s future, a book I read about psychopaths in our everyday lives, and why I threw my African American Psychology textbooks when I had to do three semesters on the subject. Four more days to go. Thanks Facebook. Ole trashbags!

Being Natural is Hard, Especially Now

Trying to buy Black owned. CHOICES….

I had made a post a while ago about being natural and how I am not a fan of many natural women because they tend to look down on others that aren’t natural. I still stand by that thought.

Now, because of this buying Black movement to take our power back and show how powerful the Black dollar is, there is a list about the Black owned natural hair companies.  Guess what, many of the products that I use and work for me are NOT on said list.

So it’s hard being Black, hard being natural, and hard to buy Black.  The list of things that I personally use are cheap things or I make my own stuff. I have always been lazy with hair and I haven’t regularly gone to a stylist for many years. My friends usually say that I need to take more time out for myself but I’m a single mom so my money for hair went to my daughter’s hair. Then that lil heffa cut her hair off.

So I use Cantu,  As I Am, and dang on Eco styler along with my oils that I mix which are peppermint oil, jojoba, JCBO, grapeseed, avocado oil, olive oil, and maybe almond oil (I get most from the grocery store). I work from home so my hair is rarely out. I am so lazy. With that said, we now have a list of “suggestions” for our hair care products.

Here is an article about the things that AREN’T Black owned. Now let’s add another tier to this Black hair product issue.

One of the companies ON the list of Black hair care sold their company to bigger companies (usually White). The Mane Choice is one of those companies.  Now, if they are, do we STOP buying them because they are no longer Black owned although they were founded by Black folks? Or do we keep using them because they are the intellectual property of Black people? Then are we going to ignore that the color that they saw was green and not Black when they sold their company? Shea Moisture is a question mark as well. I believe they sold their company but don’t quote me.

So I went to CVS and stood in the natural hair lane for a good 20 minutes trying to figure out my life. The ones on the list above were more expensive (I had Extra Bucks though) and seemed to have been sitting there for a long time “collecting dust”. I ended up getting annoyed and leaving.

Why Is This SO Hard?

So we need to buy Black which might mean that we have to pay more. In paying more, we are still not sure that the product will be right for us. So, because it is a Black owned business, does that make it better for all our hair? No. That’s the thing about our hair, it’s all different. While Cantu (not Black owned) works VERY well for my daughter and I, they don’t work for others.  As I Am Coconut Cowash is like crack and my hair loves it. It’s not Black owned.

Now I’m not throwing anything out or any of that but I will actually give the ones on the list of Black owned businesses a chance. 

But I Have Questions

I am all for buying Black. Only black people do my hair because they know our hair. My daughter went to a kids salon that was Black owned (they moved to NC on me). So I get it. BUT what if these White owned companies like Pantene, Cantu, etc DIDN’T make products for natural hair? Wouldn’t we be complaining about that? They made products to include us but now we’re like “But you ain’t Black so nah”. These bigger companies make these products and gear them to us including the price and locations sold. To me, that means they think of us and have Black people advising them at least because their products work for some of us.

Another Tier

In buying Black, they also want is to go to black owned beauty supply stores. They don’t want is to go to the hood beauty supply stores usually owned by Koreans. Nope, we need to buy it from the Black beauty supply stores. There aren’t many and, if there are some, they aren’t close by.

One way or another, we aren’t buying ALL Black if we purchase a product. Shoot, some aren’t even manufactured here. So I don’t even know anymore. Don’t forget,  I am a Virgo and really overanalyze a lot of things. I wanted to support Whitney’s (Naptural85 on YouTube)  Melanin products but the main one I wanted was sold out and it’s kind of new so there aren’t a lot of products yet. She used to make her own products and we saw how it impacted her hair. It’s gorgeous. She is also part of the reason I transitioned.

In the End….

Man, do what you want for your hair. If it works for you,  purchase it. If you want to support Black owned businesses, do that too. Everything shouldn’t be so complex. No ONE buys all black unless you are growing your own food and all that as well. All of this is tiring. I have friends that make their own procucts and I buy from them, they are Black. We don’t have to buy EVERYTHING Black. I would say to at least make an effort but don’t give yourself a headache trying to do so.

Natural Hair and Buying Black, Let’s Discuss the Variables and What’s Hard

Why Everyone Should Watch the Gabriel Fernandez Documentary (Part One Because I Can’t)

I have literally been trying to find a way to write this blog since I finished the documentary a week ago. There is so much to unpack from it that my friends told me to break it into parts. In all honesty, I don’t know what made me watch it and how I made it through. I kind of came to the conclusion that I owed it to him to watch it.

With every episode, I asked “When is this going to be over?” I can’t imagine what he thought while he continuously went through what he went through. So, it is with a heavy heart that I start this blog. I might get it all out today and I might not but just bear with me because this went so much deeper than his abuse.

This documentary touched on the incompetence of people that are trained to spot abuse and do something about it (the security guard saw what a stupid domestic abuse expert was supposed to see and ignored), for profit entities that are supposed to help kids like Gabriel, overworking social workers, homophobia, gangs, usage of children for government assistance, selective abuse, lack of empathy, etc. I could literally write a flippin thesis on this documentary. I will say that Netflix did a great job on this subject. They talked about this from all sides. There was so much that went into the demise of this young boy. One fail led to another and another and the people that actually cared enough to do something got shot down.

I will say that, after watching the documentary, I literally took my lunch and sat in silence for a whole hour. My brain was on fire. I was trying to understand how anyone could do what they did. When they gave the closing arguments about the final beating, I just couldn’t take it but I had to soldier through. That little boy is one of the strongest people in the world to continue to love someone that seemed to hate him so much. But I am getting ahead of myself. As I said, there is so much to unpack. Where do I begin?

Why This Story is So Tragic

This little boy was a good child. When he was born, his mother didn’t want him. So she told her brother who was gay to go and get Gabriel. And that’s what he did. He did that until someone made up a lie stating that the uncle was molesting Gabriel. Yes, because gay men are all pedophiles (I am DEFINITELY being sarcastic here). His uncle and his partner took great care of him and everyone knew it BUT somehow, they were quick to take him from his uncles. Where did he go next? To his grandparents. Okay, cool. But then mama wanted the kids back (he had two older siblings). Why? Because she wanted TANF. She wanted the money so she could continue to be a deadbeat. Great job. In all honesty, the parents don’t even need to be talked about. Where was the father at the time? In jail. He deserves to be talked about because he didn’t do this to the child. He learned about his son’s death while in jail. That had to be heartbreaking.

I will say that, given society’s opinion of homosexuals, I can’t be sure that he would have been in better hands with his father. I don’t believe that Gabriel was gay. His stupid mother and her boyfriend called him “gay” a lot and it was suggested that they made him wear dresses. I don’t know if it was because they were mad that he was treated so well with his uncle and his partner or what but, for some reason, if there is an inkling of a child being gay, men seem to act a fool about it. I have friends on my Facebook page that make jokes about children being gay or how they would disown their child (their own flesh and blood) for being gay. They also claim that kids don’t have the wherewithal to know what they like at a young age (don’t get me started on the Dwayne Wade situation). Funny thing is that they don’t want to do any research or hear from people that would refute that thought. And lets not talk about Anthony Avalos who was mentioned at the end of the documentary. He was beaten to death because his mother overheard him say that he liked boys. So let’s just kill our kids for being gay. Let’s just kill them for being honest. But we don’t like fake people. Okay, I’m sorry, like I said, I’m all over the place with this subject because it really works my nerves. Breathe Kendra, breathe.

I have to stop here. I started THIS blog months ago. I will come back with another part because there was SO much to unpack and I really want to convey everything I noticed in this documentary because it was VERY well done and truly looked at the story from all sides literally. It even touched on the “mother’s” issues even though she didn’t deserve that much.

Liars and Cheaters in the Dating World and Why (Sometimes) Telling the Truth Doesn’t Work

You may think I’m crazy for this but I truly think that this is the case. Well, I think it’s the case if you’re an attractive person (male or female). In the summer, especially, I have to tell men that I am not interested in dating. In addition to that, however, I tell them things that one would think would scare them away such as the fact that I have bipolar disorder. If you read my blog, you know that I am bipolar. I was diagnosed in 2008 and before that my diagnosis was just Major Depressive Disorder, recurrent. I was diagnosed with that back in 2000 when I took my mental health into my own hands.

With that being said, people never believe me. Maybe it’s because I am stable now and make sure never to miss my meds. Maybe it’s because they think that dating a “crazy” woman is cool (until they end up as a corpse on Snapped!). Maybe they think they can take me in a fight. Or maybe they just think that I’m lying. Some have said that it’s because they feel that my looks override it. I think that’s stupid but looks make a LOT of people stupid (male AND female) when it comes to what they will put up with and what they won’t.

Whatever the case may be, what should be a deterrent is no longer one. This goes for everyone.

“You’re Married? Well, So Am I”

When I was little, we were at the drive in at the local liquor store and a man tried to talk to my mom. She told him “I’m married”. The guy said “Well, so am I.” You can’t even turn a person away by being committed anymore. And it’s a shame that I remember that to this day. When people ask why I don’t want to get married, it’s because of memories like this, observations of married people that don’t act as if they are, and the blatant disrespect (and even changing) of the marriage vows.

Why even get married if you want to keep dating? I thought that one of the main purposes of marriage was to be with your mate until death (or adultery). Yet now, people are so disposable that it’s all about finding someone better and bouncing up out of the relationship you had for the next best thing.

If you can’t respect your marriage, no one else will and clearly you’re not really a good person to pursue a relationship with. BUT there is always a lid for every pot, as some people say. So there are people out there that are fine with dating a married person.

“I’m Separated”

Many married people are “separated” and they always have a great reason as to why they haven’t filed the papers yet. I have seen people get divorced in weeks. I have seen people go through with uncontested divorces. People claim that the cost is too high. People make up all kinds of excuses as to why they haven’t severed that tie yet when, in some cases (not all), they are still with their spouse. Some still live there. Some use the children as an excuse. There are so many people out here that just always want to have something or someone to fall back on and, sometimes, it’s their spouse. Just don’t bring other people into your mess until that decree is finalized.

I’ve literally seen people getting ready to separate talking about a new man or woman before their spouse has even finished packing their stuff to leave. Yet people wonder why I don’t want to get married. It’s nuts out there.

“At Least I Have a Man”

I can’t take relationships seriously because society doesn’t. The people IN these “relationships” don’t even respect them. Some of these folks are just in relationships to have a place to live or even a car to drive.

Although I started this post in 2018 (it was in my drafts so I went ahead and decided to finish it 2 years later), the same applies. There are men like Jodie from Baby Boy. I mean, there are women too but women sometimes seem to think that they need to have a piece of a man because it makes them seem “better” than single women. “At least I have a man” is a go to when it comes to “insults”. Men try to use it too against single women. Makes me laugh but, as usual, I digress.

I have never blogged about my neighbors but my Facebook friends know a lot about them. Why? Because they literally argued and slammed doors constantly. Unfortunately, the girl got pregnant. Thankfully they moved. The girl would throw things at the guy, beat him in the head down the stairs, all that. She would berate him in public. He literally seemed more like her little brother than her man.

One day, she threw water on him as he left (trying to diffuse the situation) and hit another neighbor. She threw stuff at him one day and it was sitting outside of my door. You can bet your BUTT I took that trash to their apartment, asked if it was theirs, and gave it back to them.

You wanna fight? Fight. But keep the rest of us out of it. She was literally abusing the guy. People always heard him saying “Get off me.” She literally was the worst. I don’t know if he had a job but it was horrible. When they moved out, the maintenance people told me that there were doors off the hinges (they slammed the doors all the time) and holes in the walls.

They also had a dog that they never walked. She was a big dog. She cried a lot. I don’t know how they are going to raise that child because they couldn’t even take care of a dog. That poor dog. And now that poor baby.

In the End….

Two years later (after starting this post), I kind of feel the same. I don’t all the way feel the same but these are things that I think of when thinking about getting into relationships.

Longevity doesn’t equal happiness. My parents have been married for a long time and I don’t want to be like them. I’m sorry, I don’t. I think that’s why it takes me a long time to even consider interacting in person with men after talking for a while. Many are full of sh*t and I don’t need a repeat of the guy that led me on for YEARS and then claimed that we weren’t dating. I learned a hard lesson. I think I wrote another blog about that somewhere.

But yeah, thanks for reading this post even though it was started 2 years ago. Please take some time to read my other posts. I need some traffic. LOL

I Love My White Friends But This Has to be Said

What many of you fail to realize is that this mess didn’t just START with George Floyd. Not even a month ago Ahmaud Arbery was shot for jogging (by racists that thought they had some sort of authority). Dude was jogging man. What’s worse is that there are SO many other men AND women on a growing LIST of race related shootings that it seems everyone has forgotten about. The list with pics above isn’t even all of them. There have been plenty more since then. But the only time many white people hear about this list is when ANOTHER black person is killed by someone in authority (or thinks they have authority) and Black (and White people with brains) speak on it or tear sh*t up. Because THINGS are more important than a life. THIS ISN’T NEW! NONE of it is new y’all. And I’m SO tired of having to answer the same questions as if I am a spokesperson for the Black community. We have Google. We have it. USE IT! Don’t ask us questions because, honestly, it’s VERY triggering. I’m so triggered, I have told my White friends not to ask me anything about any of this that is going down right now. WE’RE TIRED!

And if it takes knocking stuff down instead of knocking a random White person out out of frustration, take the loss, they have insurance for that. But right now ain’t the time to tell us your woes of bullying because of your race when you were a kid. It ain’t. A girl literally sat and told me that she was bullied by Black girls because she was one of a few White folks at her school. She couldn’t understand the difference between what has been happening to BLACK people for DECADES without wanting to make herself the victim. All because I said I wasn’t stepping foot in Mississippi because many of the people there think like the idiot that said “If George Floyd couldn’t breathe, how was he still talking?” Like really? There are places Black people don’t want to go because they KNOW the place is racist. ONE place is Mississippi. I have a VERY good White friend in Alabama. I will never visit there and she understands. The girl who gave that janky example was speaking “on behalf” of my girl in Alabama. I ALSO got banned from Facebook because their algorithm sucks and it thought that I said that I hated White people. WHAT I SAID WAS “If I hated White people, I wouldn’t have SO many White friends”. And I have a LOT. I have a Rainbow Coalition of friends because it was how I was raised. I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and we are ALL brothers and sisters ALL over the world. They risk their LIVES for one another PERIOD. So I don’t hate White people. I’m just tired of having to spell our history out or them. I’ll let one of your other intelligent friends “whitesplain” it to you because I AM TIRED! WE ARE TIRED!

Oh yeah, I had some White friends say they would have jumped in when George Floyd was getting his neck leaned on. You see that? No fear of the police. Those people that were “bystanders” were threatened with pepper spray. And, pepper spray or not, they were unarmed just as the man was that they were watching be killed before their very eyes. We KNOW that if we had jumped in in any way, there would be multiple bodies on that ground. I can bet that. That lack of fear is the very privilege we have been trying to tell you about.

White people set up the education in America and took out the parts where African Americans built this country and now you want us to be the fountain of the knowledge you erased? No. Do some research. Pick up a book. We had to do it ourselves with the limited resources we were given so go ahead and do the same.

I am SO tired. WE are SO tired. So to sit around and ask us the same questions, feign interest, and then go back to your other white friends and make light of the situation pisses us off. We see it and many of my friends are calling folks out before unfriending them. So many people are so scared of unarmed black people, are you really scared? If people were really scared, wouldn’t it be smart to STOP poking the bear?

The KKK has been talking about a race war since Jerry Springer first came out. We have a whole President sitting here stoking the fire and then trying to bring God into it (God doesn’t even want any parts of this mess) and then we have people trying to point out Black on Black crime (including the sorry “President”).

Understand this and understand really well, we don’t run around just killing white folks for no reason. And let that happen and I can bet money, that Black person would be UNDER the jail in less than a year. But we have people VIDEO TAPED shooting us, strangling us, putting their weight on our necks physically and figuratively, and getting off. Like how? But yall wonder why we’re mad? You’re wondering why they’re messing up your businesses? You care more about your businesses than our lives. That shows where your allegiance lies.

A lot of people are now losing friends and family at higher rates than COVID is taking people out. Racism is a sickness too. Get well. I will quote one thing that a friend of mine said because she has White friends and one didn’t stand up for her and it hurt her. You can’t claim to be FOR us but not defend us. Also, all these White women out here sucking Black dick to make “mixed” babies need to open their mouths and speak on behalf of their men and their children. They need to HOPE that this gets resolved because they will have to pick a side. And it’s not White vs Black, it’s Right vs WRONG. Killing ANYONE is wrong PERIOD. We all grew up with some intelligence to know this much but, to kill and not be prosecuted is another thing. George Zimmerman’s scared behind is still walking around just fine. Many ACTUAL police officers that shot folks in front of their own families are walking around just fine too. They got off.

Let me quote my girl Natasha Guillory from Talks with Tasha on Spotify and get off here because I am so triggered that I have had to talk to my psychologist AND psychiatrist, think about my place in this world, whether I really need or WANT to be here, stop watching the news, and take off from work. And this isn’t out of sadness, it’s out of rage. I have a rage in me that I have described before as deadly and it’s not an exaggeration. So, it’s best that I leave everything and everyone alone for the time being because I have literally lost the ability to can.

A note to my white friends

Don’t embrace with your false hope

Don’t come into my life being colorblind

Don’t diminish what I experience

Because you haven’t experienced it for yourself

Don’t take my hurt as an opening for you to speak on your pain about my mistreatment

Don’t tell me how uncomfortable it is for you to confront someone in a moment when I live in discomfort daily at the hands of people that look just like you

Don’t look me in the face and profess your love for me and humanity but accept the behaviors of those who hate me

Don’t remain silent

Your silence is your acceptance

Talks with Tasha on Spotify and Apple
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/talks-with-tasha/id1490053829?fbclid=IwAR3d-emActGwX2hNQEJDfMxLWhrdVegGzzQR5yNlDM-PMZBWW04_TAOETZ8

If you guys REALLY care about what we’re going through, please enlighten yourselves because you have NO idea what we are really going through right now and how TIRED we are of having to explain the obvious. We live it.

And no one is telling you not to speak your mind but come from a place of wanting clarification. Don’t have us spell this mess out for you. Go watch Roots or 12 Years a Slave, Fruitvale Station (these are movies that I canNOT watch because it will piss me off and I know my trigggers so I don’t), or just read a book. Do some footwork. We had to learn about your history. Do us a solid and learn about ours.