My autistic traits were obvious! But the Spoiled Brat archetype worked against the assumption that I needed support, and instead adults believed I needed chastising or ignoring.The Spoiled Brat Stereotype and Autistic Children
Setting the Record Straight
First of all, this is literally an objective blog as I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and can tell you a lot about the good and the bad. This is in NO way a slight to the Organization because I truly LOVE Jehovah and, like most religions, there are good parts and bad parts. I have experienced the bad parts but the bad parts usually come because NO ONE is perfect and sometimes they don’t do what Jehovah wants them to do.
There are many things that people like to say about Jehovah’s Witnesses that are not true:
Women can only wear skirts
Yes, women can wear pants, people tend to get JWs mixed up with the Seventh Day Adventists. They are not the same.
They can’t celebrate anything or have parties
LIE! Let me tell you something: When I was a kid, we had a party for EVERYTHING. Sure, we didn’t celebrate the pagan ones (that a lot of people are now jumping on the bandwagon of NOT celebrating) but we had Back to School parties, 50s parties, Dance parties, Movie parties, Spring parties, Cinderella Balls, we did it all! AND the boys got to go camping and come back all dirty every year.
They kick you out if you marry someone that’s not a Witness
Nope. They just advise against it. And, as a child that was raised in a split religion household, I agree wholeheartedly. TOTALLY agree! My mom was baptized as a JW when she was pregnant with me. With that, everything changed for our family. My two oldest sisters, who were used to celebrating Christmas and all that, no longer could do that. What they once did was taken from them and my dad didn’t understand it.
Marriage is hard enough without the added stress of differing opinions when it comes to religion so I totally get it, especially if children are involved. My parents fought over my mother going to the meetings and taking us. My dad used to get mad because, when he wanted to do “manly” things with my brother like mowing the lawn on Saturdays or teaching him about cars, we were with my mother. We witnessed a lot of arguments and the like that we didn’t need to hear or see. So yeah, I totally agree with that.
They are a cult
No, they’re not a dang on cult. If you think they’re a cult, then you haven’t watched real cult documentary. Definitely not a cult. You do what you want and whatever you do is between you and God. BUT if you tell on yourself or it comes to light, accept the consequences (you’ll hear more about this later).
They don’t accept medical treatment or blood transfusions
Um, they DO accept medical treatment. Like, come on. I read charts for a living and I can tell you they sure do. I get tons of JW charts and I laugh because it just seems like I catch them first. As for the blood transfusions, this is correct. They are advised not to. Now, someone lied and said someone got disfellowshipped (we’ll talk about what that is later) for getting a blood transfusion. No, no one gets disfellowshipped for that because it is a conscious decision. You live with your choice. But this has been a suggestion for a long time because people were getting diseases from blood transfusions in addition to it being spoken of in the bible (I’m not looking it up for yall so don’t ask).
Because of this belief, many doctors have found and learned other ways to treat anemias and hemorrhages without transfusions. Among them are doctors that just happen to be JWs. They also have a committee that works with hospitals to educate them on these measures.
My mom almost died from a stomach hemorrhage some years ago. I had to make the medical decision on her behalf NOT to get a transfusion. Her issue would have been cured with a simple transfusion. But I was not going to ignore her wishes. And I didn’t. And she is still alive. They call her a “miracle woman”. She had pernicious anemia and many strokes. We spent a New Years Eve in the ICU. When I tell you that God was there and that he comforted me while she was in that hospital, I mean it. You can feel it. It’s hard to describe but you know it when you feel it.
They think that only 144,000 will live
Now, lets look at the logic here. If only 144,000 are going to survive then…. why even be a JW? There are MILLIONS of JWs all over the world. So that means they’re all preaching to people and trying to save people knowing that they’re going to die? Why preach if the person you help might take your spot? LOL No, they do not believe that only 144,000 people are going to live. They believe that that’s the number that are going to heaven to rule with Jesus (oh, and yes, they believe in Jesus. He is God’s son) and the rest will live forever on earth that they will build into a paradise. They believe that people will be resurrected in this time as well.
I didn’t have a bad experience growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness. And I have been on both sides of the coin with them. I HAVE been disfellowshipped before. I can tell you for a fact that I understand the logic and I brought it upon myself. I brought it upon myself because I have a conscience.
You see, when you are a JW, they teach you about having a clear conscience. They also let you know that, when you are out, you are representing God. So, if I’m out here hoeing around and people know that I’m a JW, guess what they’re going to say “They’re not good. I have an friend that is a whole hoe but she calls herself a JW”.
So I told on myself because I had sex at the age of 20. I told. And I got disfellowshipped. People think that the Elders make that decision. NOPE! They don’t. I truly believe that God was in that room when I was discussing my sin with them. I felt it especially when one elder spoke.
And it’s not FUN for them to disfellowship people. They HATE it! They CRY! They hate it so much that they try to talk to you in different ways. I had gotten pregnant with my daughter while I was disfellowshipped and they would talk to me through my infant daughter. They would say things like “Tell your mother to come back.” I might be int he bathroom and no one else was around and a sister might say “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you but I miss you and love you.” It’s not fun for them to have to disfellowship people.
And the logic behind it is this: In order to keep the congregation from stumbling and being influenced by another’s wrong actions, it’s best to put them out. You can still come to the meetings and all that. They just can’t talk to you and you can’t comment.
Baptism is NO joke to JWs. They do not baptize their kids as soon as they are born. Why? Because the decision is the child’s and the child has to know what they are getting themselves into. I was 16 when I was baptized. So, when I got baptized, I knew that if I did some mess that would bring reproach on Jehovah’s name and was not repentant (repentance is very important), I was going to get disciplined. PERIODT!
You don’t just get baptized all willy nilly with no responsibility. You are making a SERIOUS pact with God when you get baptized. Had I not been baptized, I would not have been disfellowshipped. But, with sound mind, I made that agreement with God and I failed.
Do I harbor any resentment for being disfellowshipped? I sure don’t. I was reinstated and it was like a whole party. They hugged and cried and all that. They WAIT for people to get reinstated. I GET it! Also, disfellowshipping is NOT the only means of discipline as a JW. There are THREE types of discipline but people tend to only remember the one where you get kicked out.
Now, because they feel that it’s better to be married to a fellow JW, people do. And, so as not to get disfellowshipped for having sex outside of marriage, many of my friends were married by the age of 20. Smart move, right? Not really, many of them didn’t last due to the fact that they were married at a young age and really didn’t understand life. It’s not easy.
And lets not talk about being married as an older person. Listen, I am 40 (about to turn 41) and I feel so bad for the JW women that want to be married. Yes, THE WOMEN, because they greatly outnumber the men where I live. Many people have to go to other states or even countries to find a JW mate. And the older you get, the slimmer the pickings are. I’m being honest here. If I choose to get married at my age, it would be to an old old man or a man who is a widower. Unless you get “lucky”. Marcus Houston from Immature became a JW and married him a nice, younger girl. The don’t want us old hags. Especially the ones that have been out in “the world”. Many men (of any religion) want an easy woman and the younger ones (not little kids) are easier to deal with.
I’m being very honest here. This is not a slight. I truly have seen women waiting for men to get baptized so they could snatch them up, no lie. I ain’t fighting for a man PERIODT! So I’ll be that old, beautiful, hag with no husband. I’m good with it. LOL
This is a HUGE issue. As a JW child, I was sheltered. We operated in a little bubble. Although I lived kind of in the hood and could look at the people surrounding me, I had no real knowledge of the world.
Parents that were NOT raised as JWs (or in “the Truth”) see this as a safety mechanism to prevent their kids from making the mistakes that they did before they became JWs. I get it and I know that many parents want their kids to have a better life than they did. But some go overboard.
I can say that my mother did go overboard with it in some aspects. Even as an adult, I tried to verbalize this to her. I feel that parents that got to do all the stuff and THEN get baptized don’t understand what it’s like to feel like us.
They didn’t get made fun of for being “knick knockers” or for not being able to play sports, go to school dances, etc. They did try to make up for it in other ways. As stated before, we didn’t celebrate Christmas but that didn’t mean that we didn’t get random gifts for no reason. We did. Some days, we would wake up and have a gift at the end of our beds for no reason at all. It’s why I give random gifts to this day. I don’t’ need a calendar to tell me when to appreciate someone or to do something nice.
One day, my mom and her friend had a movie night for the kids. We watched Short Circuit and ate pizza and cupcakes while the parents were upstairs wrapping gifts for us. After the movie, we went upstairs and came upon the best gift I probably got as a child, a Cornsilk Cabbage Patch Kid. I even had a Bear Party because I loved bears as a child.
These are the good times that I associate with being raised a JW. People think it was all bad and the like. It wasn’t. Sure, it was different but I met so many people, learned so many things, was extremely smart (hey, you read the bible a lot), and a good child.
Knocking on Doors
I will say, I wasn’t fond of going door to door as a kid. Sure wasn’t. Won’t lie about it one bit. Half the time, I didn’t want people to come to the door. I was a kid. And I certainly didn’t want someone I KNEW to come to the door. But I liked being out because I got to hang with my JW friends and talk while going door to door. That part was fun. We got a lot of exercise too. I walk Owens Road as an adult as exercise but we preached on that long street when I was younger. Maybe that’s why I was so skinny.
People made fun of us and tried to do stupid things to “scare” us. Or they would hide. As an adult, I tell people that if they don’t want JWs to come to their homes, don’t be rude about it. Just tell them that you would like to be added to the list of people who don’t want JWs to come to their homes. They will put you on that list. But throwing things, cussing, coming to the door naked, etc is so unnecessary. They are doing what the bible told them to do. And, if you assault them, well, I’ll just say that just because a person is a JW NOW doesn’t mean they weren’t out on these streets beating folks up in the past so be very careful with that. No one wants to tell folks they got beat down by a JW. And Jehovah protects his folks so you get the life scared out of you. Don’t fault them for doing what they were told to do.
Feeling Like You Truly Don’t Belong ANYWHERE
As a teenager, this became extremely hard for me. When you are a teenager, your “world” is your peers. And it was crazy, I was “popular” with JWs but I was a total NOBODY among my school mates.
I might have mentioned how observant I was so as not to make some of the mistakes that my peers in school made. My friends were getting pregnant, coming to school drunk, smoking weed, and going through a lot of things that I wasn’t trying to get caught up in. Because of that, I stayed under the radar. I had a lot of popular friends in school but they accepted me as a person. They would constantly invite me to do things during school hours and all that but, because I saw what happened with my sisters skipping school and getting caught or whatever, I stayed away from it.
My mom, however, felt that I was going to turn out like my sisters and was pretty hard on me. One day, a friend of mine called before school to see if I wanted to skip and hang out. I have a conscience and am not a liar. So I heard her out, acted like I was going to thinking about it knowing full well that I wasn’t going to even try, and got off the phone. When I got off the phone, my mother approached me angrily. You see, she was listening in on the call. Why? Because she trusted no one, male or female, in “the world”. She had a problem with the fact that it sounded as though I was being persuaded and might possibly skip school. She failed to hear when my friend literally said “You NEVER do anything with us”. I resent my mom to this day for not trusting in me to make the right decision. I do.
So, Are You a JW Now?
What prompted me to write this blog was the fact that I attended the meetings lately and they talked about “inactive” people. I am what you would consider “inactive” as I do not go out in field service or preach to people. I haven’t had sex in almost 6 years now, and I don’t do anything I’m not supposed to do but I’m not “technically” a JW at this point.
The next question would be “Why?” I actually talked to the friend that had the movie party today after the meeting and I told her why. One of the reasons is my mother. I am still working on getting past this right now because I just feel as though nothing was good enough for her and I resent the fact that she lied on me a lot.
Another reason is that I don’t want to go door to door because, in all honesty, I don’t like people. I really don’t. And I can’t say that I care if they get everlasting life. I can’t say that I care if I even get everlasting life. I have spoken about being suicidal in the past. I have also talked about my triggers and my temper. I might be that JW that punches you for saying something that I didn’t like and then that would bring reproach on ALL JWs because that’s what people do. Everyone wants to repeat the bad things they see when it comes to JWs but they won’t talk about the good.
They forget that they risked their lives for one another in other countries as they are all around the world. They forget that they were the second largest group imprisoned during the Holocaust (“Purple Triangles”, look it up). Tribal warfare doesn’t stop them from helping their brothers and sisters. They are in Russia being beaten and imprisoned for preaching or even just meeting in their own homes to study the bible.
Yes, there are some crappy people out there that happen to be JWs but that’s not all of them. Someone recently yelled at me talking about molestation in the Organization. You cannot judge EVERY JW for the trash that sometimes comes out. They are all human and I can say that we never had those issues growing up over HERE. It was like a big family. And if you did something wrong, please believe that just as I got disfellowshipped for having sex outside of marriage, they get at those that are accused of said crimes. But you have to tell them.
There are some things that I don’t agree with though and feel that sometimes they can be judgmental but, as someone told me today, “You are serving Jehovah, not a person. If that person dies tomorrow, who will still be there?” She made a good point. Not gonna lie. But I have some demons to contend with before I can go back. My mental illness is one of them.
I do NOT want this to come off as an apostate blog because it isn’t. As I said in the beginning, PEOPLE are what can sometimes ruin the reputation of a religion but don’t lump them all in just because you knew of one or two instances or were told of some instances where a person of a certain religion was not performing up to par with the teachings.
Again, thank you for reading and I hope this has opened your eyes to a few things that many people truly don’t know or understand about being a JW and why things are done the way they are. Also, understand that I still respect and love Jehovah and would NEVER allow a soul to lie on them because I have been there. Listening to stories won’t always tell you the real truth. I have plenty of friends that have stories like mine. We don’t talk much anymore but many that grew up as JWs are still JWs and are happy. Some got disfellowshipped and some didn’t. But it is not a miserable existence being a JW. Sometimes it’s the most loving environment you can be in. And if my mean behind can say it, you know I’m not lying. LOL
What I did This Time
I literally said that “men are dumb sometimes”. This is what I said. Now, I’ve seen a lot of things posted on Facebook that demean women. Don’t get me started on WAP and how the men tore into women for that video and the fact that women were okay with it because women were only doing what men have been doing for decades but that’s a whole different blog. But, yes, I said that sometimes men are dumb and laughed IN A GROUP!
Sing It With Me: What Hurts the Most!!!!
Not only did my regular account get restricted, they blocked my gaming account as well. That account did nothing to speak of. In addition to this, things have been happening with my friends and I can’t chime in unless I go on flippin Messenger. A friend’s husband died in his sleep, she made a live in a private group, could I comfort her? No. Could I say anything to her during her live? No. I had to talk to her in her messenger.
BTS came out with a new video and, although I am an EXO-L, I had to let people know that I loved their new song and two videos for Dynamite. All I could do is messenger a friend that I knew was a hard core fan to tell her that I liked it. Couldn’t share the vid or anything.
There are some people speaking about mental health and issues but I can’t say anything from the point of view of a person that has a mental illness. So there goes that.
Lets not even talk about my shows and the podcasts I listen to. I can’t discuss them. The dude on Married at First Sight had the gall to tell his wife that she couldn’t cut her hair without talking to him about it because her cutting or changing of her hair might make him lose his attraction to her (although he had just GUSHED about how much he loved her personality). I couldn’t scream in a group about how dumb that was. Or how he likened her cutting her hair off without telling him to him coming home and saying he quit his job without telling her. But we wonder where I got “sometimes men are dumb” comment from. I literally just be over here offering my opinion as there are discussion groups for that very reason and I get in trouble for it.
Another thing that irks the mess out of me is my love for true crime and the two groups that I am in that discuss my two favorite podcasts. True Crime Obsessed and Obsessed with Disappeared are my favorite podcasts and the hosts interact with everyone in the group. Can’t do that. And I couldn’t even talk about it on my gaming account because it seems to take them a millennium to approve people. But that doesn’t matter as THAT account is restricted as well. I do hate everything right now, no lie.
People Think I’m Dead
The last time I wasn’t on Facebook for a week was when I was in the psych ward in 2009. If I’m not on Facebook, people know something is wrong because I am a bit of a fixture on there. Either posting probing questions, discussing shows, making observations about my surroundings, or trying to educate people about things (sharing is caring). Oh, and funny GIFS. I love funny GIFS. They make me laugh.
So yeah, I mean, I can messenger people but it’s not the same. It just isn’t. And Twitter is boring and who wants to walk around posting pics on Instagram all day? Not I. I only post pics when I have attempted to do my makeup. Otherwise, I use Instagram to watch a million makeup tutorials because I love watching people put makeup on.
I mean, before I got blocked on my other account (the gaming one), someone actually called me a “stupid cow” when I was agreeing with them. I promptly told them to reread my comment to see how rude and unnecessary their comment was. They removed the comment. I didn’t report it or anything because I have a thick skin and I know for a fact that most of the people on Facebook would never EVER say half the stuff the say to me in my face. I have stated in another post that Facebook is a form of therapy because I have to use my words. I can’t just choke a person out for being rude. So they’re kind of messing up my therapy as well. Because people really like to get at me big time online and I laugh because I know me.
So let me explain these other posts that got me hemmed up. Because the bots can’t read context or pay attention to what’s going on. Oh, and you can see the other examples in My Seven Days of Exile from Facebook.
Lets go down them ONE by ONE:
So, in this case, we were talking about the rapper that stated that he got his son a prostitute or some mess. People were arguing that he’s not the first man to do it and my point was that, he might not be the first person to do it, but they usually don’t talk about it to the world. Big whoop!
In THIS post, I was talking about how ignorant SOME Black women are to make a comment like this. I made this on MY page. Now, The Real Housewives of Atlanta has some really mad women and my comment is NOTHING compared to the women in there that will insult you, your mom, your kid, and your ancestors if you say something wrong about their favorite person (usually Kenya). To assume that race automatically makes your “grade of hair” better is ignorant. It just is, okay. Like, why did it have to become a competition? That was my point. And it was on MY page. I didn’t go in the comment and go off on the original poster about it and call her all kinds of names as the people in the group usually do. But yeah…..
So, if you look at this one, you will clearly see (if you can read and comprehend) that I was saying that I DON’T hate all White people. I referenced this in another post I Love My White Friends But This Has to be Said. It’s just really crazy that I got into trouble for this one. So stupid.
So yeah, this is just great. I can’t talk to my folks about anything. Can’t have fun. Just have to message people and hope that they actually read the DM or whatever.
But, when I report posts of animals and child abuse, it’s not against Facebook rules. Nudity, it’s good. Beheadings, YEAH! And I have reported these things and they LITERALLY said that no rule was broken. But I literally said that “sometimes men are dumb LOL” and got 30 days. Thanks Facebook. I hope Trump takes them down like TikTok or whatever he’s trying to do. I’ve been called all kinds of names and it cracks me up but I’M bullying people.
Facebook, you are the real MVP. Thanks for stopping me from supporting my friends, giving them laughs, getting them to think outside the box, learn new things, and evaluate themselves. Thanks Facebook, you piece of trash. YAY!
My daughter was diagnosed with a Moderate Intellectual Disability (moderate mental retardation is the past way that it was referred to) at a young age and my world came to a halt. My daughter has a blog and I went through some of the things that I thought about when she was first diagnosed.
In summary, all my dreams went away for her future. I felt as though my child wouldn’t be normal and likely would have to live with me until I died. As a single mother, I didn’t (and still don’t) have a husband/boyfriend that could help me. I did, however, have family and friends that were always there as a listening ear. Although it took my family a while to understand what I was feeling and experiencing, some thinking that a good spanking would knock all her meltdowns out, they got it. They understood it and began to support me in many ways.
My daughter is now 14 and going to high school this next school year. I will not lie to you when I tell you that I am wrought with fear. Maybe it’s because I watch too much true crime or maybe I just know how bad this world is.
I tell people often that God gives kids with special needs to special people that he knows will protect them but even that thought is receding at this point. I always try to tell people that a teenager is hard but, when you have a child with special needs, you add a whole new topping of crazy onto it because, like most teenagers, they don’t understand what is going on and start to do things without thinking. This is a developmental fact for all children. Their brain is not completely developed so it’s just all a mess. Their priorities are different, their world is their friends, etc. I talked about this a bit in one of my other blogs Bipolar and Black but I won’t get too much into it again.
Anyhow, these are a few of my concerns as I have had a lot of time to think lately and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
Let’s be honest, it’s hard with or without special needs to find love. I have a fear that my daughter will never find love, get married, have a child, etc. These are some of the things I had to have a moratorium for when I found out about her special needs. I had to put a lot of plans to rest and people felt that I was being a pessimist but I really wasn’t. It’s reality.
My daughter of course has feelings and loves people and things. People love her as well. But there are also a number of people in this world that like to take advantage of people like her. I do not one her to be a single mother like me but I also know that I would have to be on hand to help her raise a child if she were to have a child.
When you think of children, then you have to think about sex and birth control. There are so many things you have to think about. When I worked in GYN, there was a mother that had a daughter with an intellectual disability and she wanted to get her sterilized. The child had Medicare and Medicare was like “We’re not covering that.” I’ve also seen a Law and Order: SVU episode where there was a young girl with Downs that got pregnant. She was molested by someone she worked for (another concern, OMG I have so many) but another guy wanted to help her raise the child and they were doing their best to keep the child and raise it on their own. I think the boy that decided to help also had special needs as well.
Anyhow, the mother wanted to abort the child but the girl didn’t want that. As a mom, you feel that you are the one that needs to make those decisions for your child that doesn’t know better but, the fact is that these children with special needs become adults with special needs. The most a parent can do is advocate for their child and try to make sure that they are prepared. These are hard situations that any parent would a fear of but, when you have a child with special needs that doesn’t know simple things, it gets to weigh on you a little more. And I know the government will help and all but I don’t want that. But it literally is just all a mess. In Law and Order: SVU, the girl got to keep her child and the guy that had molested her had to pay a butt load of money because he owned a bunch of supermarkets. But that’s not the real world. And no one would want their child molested by anyone; rich or poor.
In the end, it’s not about me. I truly just want the best for my daughter and it does stress me out a lot. Darn near every day, I stress about things like this.
Employment and Transportation
Yes, I know that there are a lot of jobs that people with special needs can do. I understand that concept and have been told about many programs through school and even from my therapist who works for The Arc. I honestly am just paranoid. I can get to work or whatever riding public transportation with no problems (I work from home or I drove when I didn’t).
That’s another moratorium I had to have. I had to watch my dream of my daughter learning how to drive go away. I would much rather her drive to work than catch public transportation. We live in the DC Metro Area and there are always shootings, stabbings, fights, etc on buses.
The school has had Metro come and also had us sit on the bus to learn about the things they have in place for people with special needs but man…. I just don’t know. I don’t know about anything. I’m just really paranoid when it comes to her which is why I put her in Taekwondo. I know she can defend herself but why does my mind instantly go to violence if she has to be out? I don’t let her out of my sight. It is something that I am really trying to work on but I don’t trust anyone. I don’t trust the world. I mean, look at it.
When my daughter started middle school, they told me about DORS and how it could help my daughter when she got into high school. Because of her disability, she will be in high school until she is 21. She will get a certificate of completion and not a diploma. DORS stands for Division of Disability Services. They help people with disabilities learn life skills, find housing and jobs, as well as many other useful services. They help them learn to advocate for themselves as well. They are funded through the state and federal government.
Because I am so paranoid, I went ahead and got in touch with them already (although the high schools work with them as well) and we set up an intake appointment via Zoom.
I will say that my appointment with them really put me at ease. I was told about all the programs and partnerships that they had available. I had no clue about some of the things she told me. One thing that I learned is that they work with many universities and have programs where they can actually go to college (I don’t know about this). One of the places she told me was across from Morgan State. She stated that the classes went from dog training (which Kie said she wanted to do because she helped train Gary) to mechanical work as well as child care. Kie is very good with kids
She also told me about a college just for people with special needs in Pennsylvania. I found some other resources that were making my heart swell with hope. One is here. The goal is to have the student have the college experience without feeling different. I had had a moratorium for sending my daughter to college a bit too early. That was one of my dreams for her as I didn’t get to go to college and live on campus. I obtained a degree and certifications but I did them all from home.
In addition to this, while they are in high school, they have the ability to have paid internships. My daughter has had a bank account since she was 2 so that’s cool. She can have her own money put directly into her account and she can help pay for all the food she eats.
As I mentioned, DORS works with other entities such as Melwood and The Arc. My therapist works for The Arc and has been working with me to give my daughter some freedom and teach her how to live on her own. I have actually been doing this a lot more than I was before. My therapist works with adults with disabilities and sometimes (the circle of life) their parents die and the adult is left to figure out life for themselves because their parents did everything for them.
There are so many programs out here for these young adults whose goal is to make the transition from living at home with their parents to being solo easy. It gives me a lot of hope. I am still paranoid BUT I do have a lot more hope now. Schools are really good at trying to help you with all this and I am very grateful to my daughter’s schools from Pre-K all the way to where she is now in the 9th grade. They try to help the parent in so many ways.
The smart thing to do is take advantage of these programs. When I talked to the woman at DORS, she stated that some people feel that their kids don’t need those services and are in denial. You can’t be in denial when it comes to advocating for your child and giving them the tools that they need to survive in this world.
I typed all this to say that I am coming down out of my paranoia. She needs a big dog though if she lives by herself. A HUGE dog like Gary. I don’t want anyone to think they can try to come to her house. I have also taught her that everything is a weapon. Listen, we are a bit hood and folks are off so we gotta get them before they get us.
Let me just start out by saying that Facebook is extra petty. By the time you guys get to see this, I will be back on Facebook because Facebook is mainly where I put my blogs for people to see. With that said, whatever algorithm they use, they need to do better. Not long ago, I got restricted from the site for seven days (but they changed it to 3 days after “reviewing” their decision) for literally saying that I do NOT HATE WHITE PEOPLE. Reading the context would be great but somehow, the real racists get to stay on Facebook and thrive with their racism.
I have literally seen violence against children, women, animals, etc on Facebook, reported the post, and they say it doesn’t go against their rules. What kind of mess is this? They will delete your live for having music in it but find it just fine to leave abuse posts up. People have gotten killed and raped on Facebook live but me saying that I DON’T hate White people got me restricted.
Not too long ago, we were talking about the show 90 Day Fiance and we were discussing the fact that this old lady (could have been Jenny or one of the other old bitties on the show) had married a young guy and her child(ren) wasn’t happy about it. I posed the question to a member of the group “What if your old ass mom got with a young man, would you be good with that?” They flagged it as “bullying” or “hate speech”. I’m like “Really?” First of all, I wasn’t talking about the member, I was speaking in a hypothetical manner. I bet that even if I said that if my “Old ass mom” got with a young dude, I wouldn’t like it either”, I would have gotten a warning.
They literally have nothing to do with their time and now, thanks to them kicking me off for SEVEN days now, neither do I. I mean, I read more, watch Impractical Jokers, write blogs (that no one will really be able to read until I can get back on Facebook), and play my games.
Three (Supposed to be Seven) Day Restriction
This was another instance of NOT looking at context. I spoke of this in my other blog I Love My White Friends But This Has to be Said. I was literally telling them that, if I let what I knew about my history impact my love for my White friends, I would hate White people but I don’t. They “reviewed” their decision but whoever it is doesn’t know how to read. At this pivotal time in history, my voice needs to be heard on Facebook.
Now, while you guys think I am not important of a voice to be “heard” on Facebook, I actually am. I actually educate my friends on a daily basis. I have a LOT of multicultural friends. My friends are what I call a Rainbow Coalition because we are VERY honest and candid with one another when discussing race issues. Some of them are former coworkers. I have learned SO much from them and they have learned a lot from me. This interchange of ideas without judgment with the desire to learn is NECESSARY at this time in our history.
I work with White people and they ask me questions. Today, a coworker (who is also a Facebook friend) asked me about what we do on Juneteenth so I told her. She is Jewish so we talk a LOT about these things. I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and we talk about the Holocaust as well because people sometimes forget that Jehovah’s Witnesses were tortured, killed, and jailed because of their love for their brothers and sisters and their refusal to kill. They were the Purple Triangles. A lot of people don’t know that part of history. They just know that they don’t like them knocking on their doors (well, now they wish they were knocking on their doors because everything they had been talking about happening IS happening now). So, yes, it is important that I am there to add to the narrative to help educate people on our history.
People, somehow are just learning about these issues when we, as black people, have been staring them in our faces our whole lives. I am 40 years old but I can tell you about Emmett Till. I can tell you about Black Wall Street. Why? Because I am black and I had two sixth grade teachers at Fort Foote Elementary School that refused to let us fall through the cracks when it came to learning our history.
So, in the sixth grade, with my White best friend, Adrienne, I learned about coming to America from Africa and what happened to my ancestors after that. We had to watch Eyes on the Prize. If you TRULY want to know about Civil Rights, I STRONGLY suggest watching that documentary. There are many parts to it but that was where I first saw a picture of Emmett Till in his open casket. That is engraved in my brain forever. I will never forget it.
I also will never forget the stories of people being killed because some White woman lied and said they were raped by a Black person. I will never forget Black Wall Street and the fact that greed, jealousy, and lies led to it. I thank my teachers often for just ripping the Bandaid off because NONE of that was placed in any history book I had.
We’re out here fighting for LGBTQ+ classes but we need to talk about actual AMERICAN history. ALL of it. Yes, there can be an African American History class that can be an elective just like sex ed or whatever, but it needs to be taught at one point before exiting high school. Maybe have them read something over the summer or watch a movie over the summer and write their thoughts down so as not to deal with any repercussions (if there is rage involved because things like this enrage me and, even in college, I was enraged by the books I read for my African American Psychology classes but I am going to make a blog about that as well) that might result from the anger that it might bring.
My best friend, Adrienne apologized to me for it. She didn’t do it though and I loved her as a person. In elementary school, I didn’t care about race. I was not raised to think about race (I didn’t see color but people get offended by that phrase for some reason now). She was my friend and, although I was from a Black area, the NAACP had a rule in place that us bused to different schools. So we passed about four elementary schools to go to Fort Foote. I thank them for that rule. They changed it some years later but I believe that it served its purpose because I met Adrienne, Mr. Williams, and Mrs. Grate (they were Black teachers and they didn’t play about our history).
You see how all this information just flowed out of me via this blog? Facebook missed out because they wanna be petty.
My Seven Day Restriction
My seven day restriction was annoying but I will say that it was warranted. We have all these deaths and it’s really pissing us off but we’re STILL taking the high road. Anyhow, there are Black dudes out here defending cops shooting a fleeing suspect that is no longer a threat. No matter how many times it was explained that a taser doesn’t have the range of a gun and that this man was NO LONGER a threat, they still state that being shot in the back was warranted.
As a Black man, how could you say that? Everyone wasn’t right in the situation BUT it didn’t have to escalate to that point. And, for a Black man to sit there and feel that it was a justified shooting blew my mind. So, yeah, I said they were coons on a friend’s post. Facebook some stalkers, man. But it’s whatever. I have another account but it ain’t even worth it. I don’t even care. This is my time to reflect on my life and my history. It’s time for me to reflect on everything. There are a lot of blogs that are coming due to this reflection.
I took the time off my job and then we had more folks dying just like that. And then a White friend’s friend said that BLM had all these Black folks hang themselves to be a martyr. I wanted to throw everything and my friend straight up blocked her. Because we WENT IN. And her married name is Hernandez. Like how? But that’s a whole different blog.
In then end, I had to fight my daughter to even use this computer so she’s in her room asleep because she’s mad but yeah these are just SOME of my thoughts right now. But Facebook is extra petty, for real. I don’t like them. I will probably only just use them to post my blogs. My voice isn’t important to them if they silence me every chance they get.
As usual, thanks for reading my blog and please share. I have a lot of content coming up including thinking about my daughter’s future, a book I read about psychopaths in our everyday lives, and why I threw my African American Psychology textbooks when I had to do three semesters on the subject. Four more days to go. Thanks Facebook. Ole trashbags!
Personal posts, essays, and interviews by Black writers, bloggers, and thinkers, compiled by our editorial team.On Injustice, Inequality, and Being Black in America: A Reading List
Very good list!
I had made a post a while ago about being natural and how I am not a fan of many natural women because they tend to look down on others that aren’t natural. I still stand by that thought.
Now, because of this buying Black movement to take our power back and show how powerful the Black dollar is, there is a list about the Black owned natural hair companies. Guess what, many of the products that I use and work for me are NOT on said list.
So it’s hard being Black, hard being natural, and hard to buy Black. The list of things that I personally use are cheap things or I make my own stuff. I have always been lazy with hair and I haven’t regularly gone to a stylist for many years. My friends usually say that I need to take more time out for myself but I’m a single mom so my money for hair went to my daughter’s hair. Then that lil heffa cut her hair off.
So I use Cantu, As I Am, and dang on Eco styler along with my oils that I mix which are peppermint oil, jojoba, JCBO, grapeseed, avocado oil, olive oil, and maybe almond oil (I get most from the grocery store). I work from home so my hair is rarely out. I am so lazy. With that said, we now have a list of “suggestions” for our hair care products.
Here is an article about the things that AREN’T Black owned. Now let’s add another tier to this Black hair product issue.
One of the companies ON the list of Black hair care sold their company to bigger companies (usually White). The Mane Choice is one of those companies. Now, if they are, do we STOP buying them because they are no longer Black owned although they were founded by Black folks? Or do we keep using them because they are the intellectual property of Black people? Then are we going to ignore that the color that they saw was green and not Black when they sold their company? Shea Moisture is a question mark as well. I believe they sold their company but don’t quote me.
So I went to CVS and stood in the natural hair lane for a good 20 minutes trying to figure out my life. The ones on the list above were more expensive (I had Extra Bucks though) and seemed to have been sitting there for a long time “collecting dust”. I ended up getting annoyed and leaving.
Why Is This SO Hard?
So we need to buy Black which might mean that we have to pay more. In paying more, we are still not sure that the product will be right for us. So, because it is a Black owned business, does that make it better for all our hair? No. That’s the thing about our hair, it’s all different. While Cantu (not Black owned) works VERY well for my daughter and I, they don’t work for others. As I Am Coconut Cowash is like crack and my hair loves it. It’s not Black owned.
Now I’m not throwing anything out or any of that but I will actually give the ones on the list of Black owned businesses a chance.
But I Have Questions
I am all for buying Black. Only black people do my hair because they know our hair. My daughter went to a kids salon that was Black owned (they moved to NC on me). So I get it. BUT what if these White owned companies like Pantene, Cantu, etc DIDN’T make products for natural hair? Wouldn’t we be complaining about that? They made products to include us but now we’re like “But you ain’t Black so nah”. These bigger companies make these products and gear them to us including the price and locations sold. To me, that means they think of us and have Black people advising them at least because their products work for some of us.
In buying Black, they also want is to go to black owned beauty supply stores. They don’t want is to go to the hood beauty supply stores usually owned by Koreans. Nope, we need to buy it from the Black beauty supply stores. There aren’t many and, if there are some, they aren’t close by.
One way or another, we aren’t buying ALL Black if we purchase a product. Shoot, some aren’t even manufactured here. So I don’t even know anymore. Don’t forget, I am a Virgo and really overanalyze a lot of things. I wanted to support Whitney’s (Naptural85 on YouTube) Melanin products but the main one I wanted was sold out and it’s kind of new so there aren’t a lot of products yet. She used to make her own products and we saw how it impacted her hair. It’s gorgeous. She is also part of the reason I transitioned.
In the End….
Man, do what you want for your hair. If it works for you, purchase it. If you want to support Black owned businesses, do that too. Everything shouldn’t be so complex. No ONE buys all black unless you are growing your own food and all that as well. All of this is tiring. I have friends that make their own procucts and I buy from them, they are Black. We don’t have to buy EVERYTHING Black. I would say to at least make an effort but don’t give yourself a headache trying to do so.
Natural Hair and Buying Black, Let’s Discuss the Variables and What’s Hard
I have literally been trying to find a way to write this blog since I finished the documentary a week ago. There is so much to unpack from it that my friends told me to break it into parts. In all honesty, I don’t know what made me watch it and how I made it through. I kind of came to the conclusion that I owed it to him to watch it.
With every episode, I asked “When is this going to be over?” I can’t imagine what he thought while he continuously went through what he went through. So, it is with a heavy heart that I start this blog. I might get it all out today and I might not but just bear with me because this went so much deeper than his abuse.
This documentary touched on the incompetence of people that are trained to spot abuse and do something about it (the security guard saw what a stupid domestic abuse expert was supposed to see and ignored), for profit entities that are supposed to help kids like Gabriel, overworking social workers, homophobia, gangs, usage of children for government assistance, selective abuse, lack of empathy, etc. I could literally write a flippin thesis on this documentary. I will say that Netflix did a great job on this subject. They talked about this from all sides. There was so much that went into the demise of this young boy. One fail led to another and another and the people that actually cared enough to do something got shot down.
I will say that, after watching the documentary, I literally took my lunch and sat in silence for a whole hour. My brain was on fire. I was trying to understand how anyone could do what they did. When they gave the closing arguments about the final beating, I just couldn’t take it but I had to soldier through. That little boy is one of the strongest people in the world to continue to love someone that seemed to hate him so much. But I am getting ahead of myself. As I said, there is so much to unpack. Where do I begin?
Why This Story is So Tragic
This little boy was a good child. When he was born, his mother didn’t want him. So she told her brother who was gay to go and get Gabriel. And that’s what he did. He did that until someone made up a lie stating that the uncle was molesting Gabriel. Yes, because gay men are all pedophiles (I am DEFINITELY being sarcastic here). His uncle and his partner took great care of him and everyone knew it BUT somehow, they were quick to take him from his uncles. Where did he go next? To his grandparents. Okay, cool. But then mama wanted the kids back (he had two older siblings). Why? Because she wanted TANF. She wanted the money so she could continue to be a deadbeat. Great job. In all honesty, the parents don’t even need to be talked about. Where was the father at the time? In jail. He deserves to be talked about because he didn’t do this to the child. He learned about his son’s death while in jail. That had to be heartbreaking.
I will say that, given society’s opinion of homosexuals, I can’t be sure that he would have been in better hands with his father. I don’t believe that Gabriel was gay. His stupid mother and her boyfriend called him “gay” a lot and it was suggested that they made him wear dresses. I don’t know if it was because they were mad that he was treated so well with his uncle and his partner or what but, for some reason, if there is an inkling of a child being gay, men seem to act a fool about it. I have friends on my Facebook page that make jokes about children being gay or how they would disown their child (their own flesh and blood) for being gay. They also claim that kids don’t have the wherewithal to know what they like at a young age (don’t get me started on the Dwayne Wade situation). Funny thing is that they don’t want to do any research or hear from people that would refute that thought. And lets not talk about Anthony Avalos who was mentioned at the end of the documentary. He was beaten to death because his mother overheard him say that he liked boys. So let’s just kill our kids for being gay. Let’s just kill them for being honest. But we don’t like fake people. Okay, I’m sorry, like I said, I’m all over the place with this subject because it really works my nerves. Breathe Kendra, breathe.
I have to stop here. I started THIS blog months ago. I will come back with another part because there was SO much to unpack and I really want to convey everything I noticed in this documentary because it was VERY well done and truly looked at the story from all sides literally. It even touched on the “mother’s” issues even though she didn’t deserve that much.
You may think I’m crazy for this but I truly think that this is the case. Well, I think it’s the case if you’re an attractive person (male or female). In the summer, especially, I have to tell men that I am not interested in dating. In addition to that, however, I tell them things that one would think would scare them away such as the fact that I have bipolar disorder. If you read my blog, you know that I am bipolar. I was diagnosed in 2008 and before that my diagnosis was just Major Depressive Disorder, recurrent. I was diagnosed with that back in 2000 when I took my mental health into my own hands.
With that being said, people never believe me. Maybe it’s because I am stable now and make sure never to miss my meds. Maybe it’s because they think that dating a “crazy” woman is cool (until they end up as a corpse on Snapped!). Maybe they think they can take me in a fight. Or maybe they just think that I’m lying. Some have said that it’s because they feel that my looks override it. I think that’s stupid but looks make a LOT of people stupid (male AND female) when it comes to what they will put up with and what they won’t.
Whatever the case may be, what should be a deterrent is no longer one. This goes for everyone.
“You’re Married? Well, So Am I”
When I was little, we were at the drive in at the local liquor store and a man tried to talk to my mom. She told him “I’m married”. The guy said “Well, so am I.” You can’t even turn a person away by being committed anymore. And it’s a shame that I remember that to this day. When people ask why I don’t want to get married, it’s because of memories like this, observations of married people that don’t act as if they are, and the blatant disrespect (and even changing) of the marriage vows.
Why even get married if you want to keep dating? I thought that one of the main purposes of marriage was to be with your mate until death (or adultery). Yet now, people are so disposable that it’s all about finding someone better and bouncing up out of the relationship you had for the next best thing.
If you can’t respect your marriage, no one else will and clearly you’re not really a good person to pursue a relationship with. BUT there is always a lid for every pot, as some people say. So there are people out there that are fine with dating a married person.
Many married people are “separated” and they always have a great reason as to why they haven’t filed the papers yet. I have seen people get divorced in weeks. I have seen people go through with uncontested divorces. People claim that the cost is too high. People make up all kinds of excuses as to why they haven’t severed that tie yet when, in some cases (not all), they are still with their spouse. Some still live there. Some use the children as an excuse. There are so many people out here that just always want to have something or someone to fall back on and, sometimes, it’s their spouse. Just don’t bring other people into your mess until that decree is finalized.
I’ve literally seen people getting ready to separate talking about a new man or woman before their spouse has even finished packing their stuff to leave. Yet people wonder why I don’t want to get married. It’s nuts out there.
“At Least I Have a Man”
I can’t take relationships seriously because society doesn’t. The people IN these “relationships” don’t even respect them. Some of these folks are just in relationships to have a place to live or even a car to drive.
Although I started this post in 2018 (it was in my drafts so I went ahead and decided to finish it 2 years later), the same applies. There are men like Jodie from Baby Boy. I mean, there are women too but women sometimes seem to think that they need to have a piece of a man because it makes them seem “better” than single women. “At least I have a man” is a go to when it comes to “insults”. Men try to use it too against single women. Makes me laugh but, as usual, I digress.
I have never blogged about my neighbors but my Facebook friends know a lot about them. Why? Because they literally argued and slammed doors constantly. Unfortunately, the girl got pregnant. Thankfully they moved. The girl would throw things at the guy, beat him in the head down the stairs, all that. She would berate him in public. He literally seemed more like her little brother than her man.
One day, she threw water on him as he left (trying to diffuse the situation) and hit another neighbor. She threw stuff at him one day and it was sitting outside of my door. You can bet your BUTT I took that trash to their apartment, asked if it was theirs, and gave it back to them.
You wanna fight? Fight. But keep the rest of us out of it. She was literally abusing the guy. People always heard him saying “Get off me.” She literally was the worst. I don’t know if he had a job but it was horrible. When they moved out, the maintenance people told me that there were doors off the hinges (they slammed the doors all the time) and holes in the walls.
They also had a dog that they never walked. She was a big dog. She cried a lot. I don’t know how they are going to raise that child because they couldn’t even take care of a dog. That poor dog. And now that poor baby.
In the End….
Two years later (after starting this post), I kind of feel the same. I don’t all the way feel the same but these are things that I think of when thinking about getting into relationships.
Longevity doesn’t equal happiness. My parents have been married for a long time and I don’t want to be like them. I’m sorry, I don’t. I think that’s why it takes me a long time to even consider interacting in person with men after talking for a while. Many are full of sh*t and I don’t need a repeat of the guy that led me on for YEARS and then claimed that we weren’t dating. I learned a hard lesson. I think I wrote another blog about that somewhere.
But yeah, thanks for reading this post even though it was started 2 years ago. Please take some time to read my other posts. I need some traffic. LOL