This is my dog Gary. He is a German Shepherd and he is four years old. I got him for security for my daughter (he takes that job so seriously that he will attack me if we’re practicing Taekwondo). I loved dogs for a long time and have had a lot of them.
Four years ago, I got Gary “Bear” Johnson from Last Chance Animal rescue. I have stalked and donated to Last Chance for many years before finally being able to get a dog of my own. We literally used to go to Petco weekly, play with the puppies, and make a donation. Had to pay those critters for entertaining me, I guess. LOL
Gary has been the source of frustration, protection, laughs, and exercise. In addition to getting him for protection, I got him to be my walking/running partner. I actually used to run with him but then I decided that my knees weren’t cool with running on concrete so the two of us take long walks together.
This dude is annoying though. Always barking at other dogs, plastic bags, squirrels, birds. He doesn’t eat a ton but he is 125 lbs and they want him to lose weight.
Why am I making this blog though?
Because this flippin dog gives me more attention than I want. It gives people an excuse to talk to me and then sneak in asking me for dates. I got the dog to keep folks away from me, not bring them to me.
I can be walking with my headphones on with this big ole dog and people will stop their cars asking to breed their dogs with him (rescue pups are fixed). Some use that as a way to ask me on dates. Some dudes will literally be terrified of Gary but will still approach anyway while jumping back when Gary stands up. I personally don’t think that Gary is big but I’m not a little person. But here are some things that people say to me when I’m walking Gary.
“Can You Walk Me?”
So you want to be a dog? And this hasn’t been said one, two, three, or even four times. These folks literally think that’s a pick up line. It’s NOT. It’s annoying and definitely not original. They also ask if I can train them. Like really? Do better, sir. PLEASE DO BETTER!!!!
“You Can’t Handle That Dog”
Why? Because I am a woman? That dog has a pronged collar and I am not afraid to yank his big ole butt. I got him by about 100 lbs. He ain’t gonna punk me. Okay, I’m lying. I have gotten dragged a time or two or twisted my flippin ankle because he has seen one of his “dog friends” and nothing could keep him from them.
“Is That a K9?”
Black folks, every German Shepherd AIN’T a police dog. I’m not going to stop you for smoking weed (wish I could because even the high school bus stops smelled like a whole weed factory). Yes, he is a CANINE because he’s a dog but he’s too dumb to be a police dog. LMAO!
“My Dog Would MURDER Your Dog”
This one dude literally talked up a whole non existant fight with a dog that wasn’t even his. Talking about his friend’s dog would eat Gary. It was a girl and I really don’t know what kind of dog it was but REALLY? EVERYONE loves Gary and we literally were just walking down the street. Gary’s tail was wagging but these crackheads around here love to fight dogs. Idiots! Gary is a lover, not a fighter. Only little dogs annoy him because they charge at him. One day, we got chased by a Min Pin. Funniest thing. We were just doing our regular walk and that dog just wanted to chase and bark at Gary. Gary was like “Man, go away.” LOL
They Bark at Him
I don’t even have to explain how stupid this is. So I won’t even try. Who are you? DMX?
Gary Has FRIENDS
You know that dog has girlfriends and just friends period? There was another German Shepherd at one time named Gizmo. They met once and they actually hugged. Gary’s first girlfriend was a Pit Bull named Kadee. If you said her name, he would get to looking. He could be inside the house and smell her scent and go crazy off the balcony. Unfortunately, her owner died of a heart attack. He was such a nice man, for real. I was so hurt when he died. She was SO well trained and could keep Gary in line even though he grew to be bigger than her. She was SO well trained that she would sit outside the stores with no leash, the police knew her, etc. It was such a shame.
Now he has a girlfriend that is a Husky mix named Genesis. Now Genesis is a mess. She will cuss at him if he doesn’t pay attention to her. I don’t know her owner’s name but the guy and his mom own her. We usually see her when she is with the son. One day a woman walked by us while we were waiting with my daughter at the bus stop. Gary was going crazy. Come to find out, that was Genesis’ mother. I was like “Do you have a dog named Genesis?” She was like “Yes, and this must be Gary.”
Let’s be honest; this dog has more friends than I do. LOL There is Cane Corso named Legend that Gary met and they hugged when they first met. They love to play and they’re good because they’re about the same size. Legend has a docked tail and that thing just wags when he sees Gary.
This quarantine is so annoying because we can’t hang with his friends anymore. So Gary has been a little annoying lately. In addition to that, what’s up with the weather, man? It’s flippin Spring. Where is the sun?
Since I had this flippin dog, my Facebook friends have been obsessed with him. I mean, they truly love this dog. If I say that I don’t like him or put him up for sale, they’re like “Let Gary live.” Someone lied once and said that I left him out on the balcony in the cold overnight when I first got him. Facebook was pissed. So they kept putting up the #FreeGary tag. LOL Any time I put him in the crate for doing something he wasn’t supposed to, there was that flippin tag again. My friends are weirdos. They always take his side. They told me to give this fool a Facebook page. Man……
I Conditioned Him by Mistake
When I first got Gary, I was new to this apartment complex. I was new to living on my own apart from my parents. So I was making new meals and the like. There were times when things would drip down in the oven and the fire alarm would go off. It happened a few times. You want to know what this dog does?
Every time I turn the oven on, he sniffs the air, and goes into his crate. TRASH! This fool has eaten my salmon off the oven before (he is very well trained NOT to go into the kitchen so that was a true surprised). I had video but I’m not paying for premium to show it to y’all so I guess you’ll have to take my word for it. LOL
This dog has given me so much grief just like my silly daughter (swallowing a penny and getting it stuck in her esophagus, having strep and the flu at the same time and not showing a sign. Having walking pneumonia and chillin like it was nothing, having to get her head glued because that brat was jumping on the bed and fell off. She did this all in one week and I thought that the ER was going to call CPS on me). One day, he ate a whole bag of onions. Onions are poisonous to dogs so I spent a bunch of money to take that idiot to the vet. I say all this to say:
DOG FOR SALE!!!! SOMEONE COME GET HIM!!!!!
SHOOT! TEENAGER FOR SALE TOO!
As always, thanks for reading. 🙂