You know how I always say that you don’t have to down a whole group to uplift yourself? Well, that applies to natural haired women. I went natural about 5 years ago because I enjoyed doing my daughter’s natural hair (which she has since cut but this ain’t about her). As a child, my mom always went in on “nappy” hair and put a relaxer in my hair at about the age of 8. I don’t fault her for it as she had 3 girls and her own head to do. She never really had a good opinion of natural hair so she didn’t like it that my daughter was natural. That’s great. I broke the cycle *applause*. However, most of my life, I was relaxed and had very healthy, long hair. I treated my hair like natural people treat their hair (I have to remember some dialogue I had with a woman today about this). I didn’t use heat and I think I stretched my relaxers from like 3-6 mos. There was a time (before I cut it) that people swore my hair was fake. It wasn’t but I kept some braids in too long and it ruined my hair so I got it cut into a bob at the age of about 17. Fun times.
Anyhow, after that, I just really wasn’t into hair. My exes used to pay to get my hair done and stuff. That was always nice but, as I got older, I continued to get relaxers with no issues. When I had my daughter, I wanted her to understand that she was fine just the way she was no matter what snide comments my mom made about her hair. My mom probably has like 3A hair and didn’t want not ONE curl or kink in it. She would relax her hair just because. Said we got our “nappy hair” from our father. Kids remember things like that. So I had to break that cycle with my daughter. Besides, I LOVED doing twists on her hair and the like. I, however, suck at cornrows so I would take her to get her hair done because my mom used to take me to get my hair done. Kie would get her hair done every 2-4 weeks. I even found a kids salon (that I just found out moved to flippin North Carolina on me after Kie cut her hair off). But let me get to the subject at hand.
When I was transitioning (I’m used to long hair so I wasn’t doing a “big chop), I went to natural hair groups to learn some things. What did I learn there?
Women that Wear Weaves Don’t Like Themselves
Come on, man. I know plenty of people that wear weaves because they’re lazy (like me but I can’t afford bundles), they are busy and don’t have time to be playing in hair all day, they like versatility (and don’t want to put chemicals in their hair), they don’t like to put heat on their hair, or they want to give their hair a rest.
Why does it have to be that there is some sort of internal issue? Why can’t a person just do what they want with their hair and live. India Arie told us years ago “I am not my hair”. Everyone has their own struggle. Everyone has to do what works for them. It doesn’t have to do with conforming to others and their wishes. I sure didn’t. Like Cartman said “I do what I want.”
Women That Are Relaxed Have Unhealthy Hair
You sure about that? I see a lot of people with natural hair putting chemicals in their hair, especially color. That isn’t all that healthy either but okay. Why you worried about the chemical she puts in her hair when you’re still putting chemicals in your hair? Like I said, my hair is just as long and healthy as it was when I was relaxed. Grew like a weed. Take care of your hair and it will be good to you. Healthy eating, exercise, drinking water, etc helps. It’s not all about the relaxer.
Black Women Are the Only Group That HATES Their Hair
Interesting. The good thing about knowing about other cultures is that you can see that everything isn’t relegated to ONE race. You think Hispanic folks don’t get their curly hair straightened? They do. You think everyone was born with straight hair? I worked with Hispanic women that straightened their hair DAILY. That isn’t always their hair texture. Why do you think they get blow outs at the Dominican salons? For fun? And we don’t hate our hair, it’s versatility. There is NOTHING wrong with doing your hair differently from time to time. Who are they hurting? Just as Asian people can curl their hair, why can’t we straighten ours without having our motives questioned?
Then a girl tried to tell me it’s “appropriation”. So when we do it, it’s cultural appropriation as well? Some black people have straight hair. So how are we appropriating something that is actually in our genes? I asked her if she knew the ethnicity of everyone in the world to make such a generalization. Think about it: Why do you think people are all into the ancestry and stuff? Because we don’t know what we are. We are all mixed with something so how can I appropriate when I am just about everything? LOL Shoot, I know there is white in me so where’s the issue? If I want to wear green hair, I have that right. Who exactly does it hurt?
I think there are people in Japan that actually want kinky hair and have taken measures to achieve that look as well. There are White people that perm (not relax) their hair because they don’t like their hair straight. And don’t get me started on black folks getting mad at other people braiding or putting their hair in locs. I wasn’t there when the first loc was made nor the first braid so I can’t claim anything and half of us can’t claim anything either because we’re all mixed with something.
Men Are More Attracted to “Natural” Women
People have got to learn to mind their own business. And the MEN! A LOT of y’all jump on that bandwagon too. It’s HAIR, man. It can be changed. You might miss out out on a great woman because she had a weave in when you saw her the first time. Doesn’t mean she always rocks a weave. It’s HAIR. It doesn’t define her personality or her worth.
We have so much against us already yet we, as black people, try to separate ourselves from one another day in and day out. I’ve been on both sides of a lot of things. I think that’s disrespectful to go in on people for having their own opinion when it comes to their OWN hair. If you are not paying for my hair or doing my hair (for free), then shut up. No one asked you.
I have always said that if we were all the same, we would find a way to separate ourselves. We would find SOMETHING that made us feel better than the next person.
I have been in and left a LOT of natural hair groups because they can’t seem to get it together. We can all be beautiful in our own right. You think these celebrities are worried about yall talking about how they’re always wearing weaves? No, because it protects their hair from a bunch of styling and burning that would break their hair off. That’s why a lot of people wear wigs and weaves. They respect their crown. Me? I wear wraps because my arms hurt from twisting all this hair (and I have a lot). I had a lot when it was relaxed and I have a lot natural. Nothing changed about my personality either.
For some reason, people really think that people change with the texture of their hair. Sure, you might feel a little happy because you don’t have to twist your hair and clog up the shower when you wash it. You might get more sleep which actually could help you be happier because all you have to do is get out the bed, take your bonnet off, and bounce. But it doesn’t change who you are as a person.
We really need to stop putting so much stock in hair. It’s truly not that serious. As I have said before. We’ve got an idiot in the White House trying to go to war with any and everyone, people are being shot and killed for nothing, there are wildfires all over the place, and trees are falling on houses. When you get to heaven, do you think God is going to ask about the texture or color of your hair? Nah. So shut up and let people live.
It’s a shame that I learned more in natural hair groups about hating people that weren’t natural than how to control my mane, IJS…..
Rantings of a Mad Woman 
So many good points. Mainly, that it is just hair! It can be changed and we all are mixed up and people do make a big deal about it for sure.