I find it especially condescending when people assume that the fact that you are not CURRENTLY in a relationship means you have no knowledge of what it takes to have a relationship, successful or otherwise. Newsflash: WISDOM CAN COME FROM ANYWHERE!
I say this often and I will say this again. I have learned a lot about life from my daughter who is now 14 years old and has an intellectual disability. A truly wise person knows how to acquire knowledge and not judge the source.
Now I’m not going to go into the names of people that gave advice and ended up failures because it doesn’t negate that knowledge was dropped. The main rule, however, is to take what you can use and discard what you can’t. So what are reasons that people think that single people can’t give good relationship advice?
You’ve Had Failed Relationships
Is a failed relationship the sign of stupidity? What if you don’t know the details of the demise of the relationship? All you know is that the person is single in many cases. Doesn’t make them dumb. It just means they had a failed relationship (or more).
Wouldn’t that be a way for someone to learn what NOT to do in a relationship? If one has a failed relationship or failed relationships, that means that many of them have learned from said relationships and could possibly tell you what NOT to do. I mainly had one real actual long term relationship BUT I learned a lot in that relationship and grew a lot from that time to learn what I should have done and how I messed up in that relationship.
However, there are people that have had good relationships that turned sour and it wasn’t their fault that could also tell you the signs to look out for before the demise of a relationship. It is up to you to decipher how to apply that wisdom and knowledge to your life (or not).
You’re Just Jealous
Did you know that there is this such thing called being “single by choice”? Some people have bowed out of relationships because they have seen all they needed to see or experienced all they needed to know that it just isn’t for them. These experiences still need to be taken into consideration.
Granted, there are some bitter people out there that really want to be where you are but sometimes, they’re just really trying to tell you that your man/woman is some trash because it’s true. Sometimes they tell you when you’re wrong. Sometimes, they help you see things from different points of view and take you outside of yourself.
This is what many therapists do. They focus on the issue at hand and not the people. There are mainly three things you need to have a good relationship in my opinion: love, respect, and communication. Trust is necessary too but respect should make it so that you want to earn and keep your mate’s trust.
As far as being jealous, I would invite you to come to my apartment and sit and listen to the three couples that live above me (well, two now because one set just moved out, they were a WHOLE MESS). Observing is a great way to obtain knowledge. One doesn’t have to experience certain things to know what’s up. I literally was sought out for wisdom from my friends since middle school and I had never experienced half the things they were going through but I gave sound advice. One can learn from other people’s mistakes.
We have to also consider the fact that married people and their relationships are not always perfect. So what makes a married person or a person in a relationship better than a person that hasn’t been married or isn’t in a relationship?
In the end, it really comes down to your opinion of the person giving you the advice and it shouldn’t. I don’t have to like a person to try to understand their point. One doesn’t have to agree with me for me to feel that their opinion on a subject is valid. Sometimes we really need to learn to sit down and listen. Just listen.
We don’t have to be condescending either because, as I always say, God WILL humble you and you don’t want it. I have been humbled and it is NOT fun. Yeah, you’re in a relationship or marriage and have all the answers now but that might not be the case in a few years. Would you like someone to make you feel as though your experiences, feelings, observations, and opinions don’t matter because you are not longer in the “relationship club”? Nope.
As I say in most of my blogs; we really just need to learn to respect one another. That’s the ONE thing that we can attempt to do. Sometimes it’s hard but you might be doing yourself a disservice by not respecting another person enough to just hear them out. You don’t have to like what they say or who they are, but at least listen. You might actually learn something.
As always, thanks for reading.
Rantings of a Mad Woman 