So I Have Diabetes

Fun huh?  Well, I got diagnosed on April 1st.  One would think I would be distraught and horribly upset but quite the contrary.  You see, I had been working out at least 5 days a week and eating right yet just gaining and gaining more weight.  I couldn’t figure it out. I was tired and it was so annoying.  I finally went for my physical (I skipped a year) and that’s how I found out.  My A1C was right at 6.5 and my blood sugar was about 130.  Because of that, my doc felt it would be better for me to start on Metformin for a few months to see if that changed anything.  Now my diabetes isn’t actually typical but was likely caused my medication that I have been on for over 8 years.

Bipolar Depression

If you are familiar with some of my other blogs, you would know that I suffer from bipolar depression and was diagnosed about 8 years ago.  They put me on Seroquel and I gained a lot of weight on it but I also was able to manage it.  I could sit at 180 lbs by continuing to work out and do what I was supposed to do. However, this past year, no matter WHAT I did, I couldn’t lose the weight.  It got so frustrating because I truly didn’t know WHAT was going on.  My highest weight on April the 1st was 237.  If you have ALSO read my other blogs, you would know that I was 148 lbs after having a whole child in 2005 and stayed that weight until 2008 when I started on the Seroquel.  But I was able to keep my weight down by working out and eating right.

Why Seroquel?

When diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I was in an actual psych ward.  One thing that I always had a problem with was sleeping.  I had a problem with sleeping because I was constantly thinking.  Constantly thinking doesn’t help you sleep which didn’t always put you in a good mood.  Being a mom and being irritable was not a good thing.  However, sleeping when you could (which was usually during the day because you were tired from constantly thinking and/or worrying) really didn’t make you look like a good mom.  I was sometimes called lazy and the like.  Now, I might need to mention that I have a comorbid diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder.  So let’s put these together and think about them:  1) Single mom to a child with special needs, 2) living with parents because there is a deadbeat that cares not one bit about his child, 3) works full time, 4) goes to school full time to get more money, 5) has Major Depressive Disorder, and 6) has bipolar disorder. YAYYY right?

Well, the Seroquel’s purpose was to help me sleep.  We need to sleep at least 7 hours to function on a daily basis.  My lack of sleep put me in the psych ward (in addition to missing ONE dose of Zoloft).  That Seroquel would literally put me out in 30 minutes and I would have uninterrupted sleep which was why I didn’t mind gaining weight as long as I worked out and kept the weight at a decent amount.  Unfortunately, my body decided it didn’t want to cooperate anymore and I packed on about 30 more lbs.  When you take it at night (which is what you need to do to sleep), it makes you hungry.  You just want to live in the fridge LITERALLY.  But it worked and I didn’t want to go through the whole process of having to find a new med because I know how frustrating finding your meds is.

I now have a degree in Psychology and I really chose that field of study to understand myself more, advocate for those that have mental illness,  to remove the stigma associated with it, and to help people because I know how frustrating it can be to find ways to get through the process of either finding a therapist just to talk to or to find the perfect medications to help you (I think I made a blog about all the meds I went through to get to the ones that I take now and one caused a seizure).  I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in 2000.  The bipolar disorder was diagnosed after a violent attack perpetrated by me after missing ONE day of the Zoloft in 2008 that I had been on for many years.  I have to say that Zoloft is the ONLY med that has never let me down.  And from that day, I made it my business never to miss a dose ever.  Soooooooooooooo back to the diabetes.

I Have Diabetes (For Now)

As stated before, my recent diagnosis of DM is temporary because it was caused by the Seroquel which I am no longer taking.  Talking to my psychiatrist (and fellow Walking Dead lover), we came to the conclusion that, although Seroquel really worked for me, it was time for me to take something else that would help with the diabetes (in addition to the Metformin that my PCP put me on), help me sleep, and help me lose all the weight that I had gained for no reason.  One of the biggest reasons that people with mental illness DON’T take their meds is because they hate how they make you feel. So when you find your “match”, you stick with it because the process can be frustrating.  I just started Klonopin about two weeks ago and am getting acclimated to it.  I took one and it didn’t really work.  l then started taking two (as the directions say to take one or 2) and well, it made me TOO sleepy.  So sleepy that I have been having a really hard time working.  I still do well with my goals but it’s hard.  As soon as I get off work, I want to go to sleep (more guilt when you’re a single mom).  Although I do my best to spend time with my daughter, it’s really hard to do so at this time. It has only been 2 weeks since I have been on the Klonopin (with the Zoloft) but I have been so up and down.  Last week I was manic, this week, it’s just dead. No motivation.  Just so off.

To top it off, life hits you no matter what diagnoses you have. So you have to keep on pushing. Many people don’t (and didn’t) pay attention to me when I say that “something is wrong” because they know I’m a tough cookie and I don’t like or people to worry about me but times do get hard.  My mom came to bring me some food yesterday and asked me how I was doing.  I don’t like to worry her or really get into too much with her because she had her own health issues last year but I just look so tired.  It’s like I move in slow motion.  But I’m still trucking. That’s all I can do, right?

I have my little family to take care of and have to find motivation somewhere. I have some of the best coworkers (that I have never met in person) that motivate me on a daily basis.  I don’t know what I would do without them honestly.  Even my Facebook friends make me feel good because I have been losing weight since I started my new meds.  The total as of today is 11 lbs since April 1st.  In addition to that, the company that I work for has great programs for people with diabetes as well as dieting programs that they foot the bill for.  I got to weekly meetings and they sent us a big box of things to help us out including exercise DVDs. So I’m gonna just go ahead and keep trying. I might be a little sluggish some days but, like Cardi B said, “knock me down 9 times but I’ll get up 10”.  I gotta keep pushing for my babies.

I’ll update yall later but I can only hope for better things.  My doc will see me in a few months and we will re evaluate whether I need to stay on the Metformin or not.  I’m already saying that I won’t need to be on it.





Published by tallgirl79

Blogging about life. Well, my life. As a black, bipolar, mom to a teenager with special needs, well, there is always a story to tell. From my aversion to having a man to my weird experiences while trying to avoid people, it's all there. Being me is.... different but it always makes for good blogs.

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