Sometimes you do things in life and don’t really think them all the way through. I have done that often but this thing that I have done this time is probably the best example. I made a single’s group. Why did I do that? Well, people do call me crazy BUT I really wanted a place where people could be looked at for their mind and personality and not just a ton of selfies and sex talk. I didn’t know this would be such a foreign concept to so many people. Want to know what I have to contend with just for attempting to help people? Well, let’s get started.
People Don’t Read the Rules….Shoot, People Just DON’T READ!!!
I don’t think people know how to interact besides posting their pics and waiting for people to jump in their inbox because they are so beautiful/handsome. So the concept of No Selfies (besides on a specified day and when you do your intro) is just the devil. OMG! I have had people actually ARGUE with me on this rule. I always let them know that there are TONS of groups where you can use your looks to get people but, in my group, we like to talk and get to know the PERSON. There is no rule against people going to your PERSONAL page and looking at ALL your pics but my group isn’t where you do it.
I Get Hate Inboxes
Yup, that’s me. I get all the hate mail. I usually share them on Facebook and people wonder what in the world is going on with people. I’ve had people come to my personal page with smart comments. I had one girl go to all my my public posts on Facebook and make a comment. I had to block her. But I get a lot of less than desirable inboxes. They usually tell me I look like a man and think that it hurts my feelings. I have been telling my Facebook friends for YEARS that people say I look like a man when they get mad at me. So when they say it, I get the best laugh. If I look like one, that’s cool. There are some gorgeous trans women out there that look better than CIS women (yes, I know the terminology because I am all for their rights). Let’s look at some of the great things people have had to say to me:
I have a lot more which is sad in itself. I got called a “nappy headed cunt”. The word “cunt” always makes me laugh so there is never really nothing said that makes me sad. It just gets to be a tad bit annoying. Someone sent an anonymous post to my page and I laughed. Why? Because some people have that whole internet bravado. I think I talked about my temper in another post here. I learned how to use my words online so people calling me all kinds of names and the like makes me feel proud of myself because, if they said it in person, well….I know ME as a person. I just had a guy about two days ago call me a hoodrat because he felt that men didn’t benefit from marriage and I stated in my OWN comment that a man benefits by having someone to take care of him. He said women don’t take care of men. I asked him what kind of “trash” he had dealt with which was more of an insult to the women that didn’t take care of him. THAT was in my 45 and up group. Let’s find THAT conversation:
Now, before anyone assumes I was abusing my power, I wasn’t. The rules clearly state “no disrespect”. He took a comment that truly wasn’t a slight toward him and went in even bringing my daughter into it. You just don’t do that. But these are the people that we need to see that are out there. I could tell by a lot of his comments in his brief time in the group that SOMEONE had hurt him. If you can get mad at a woman taking care of her man because you likely didn’t experience it, then you have some deep issues that need to be resolved. I knew he was hurt so his comments, again, did not offend me.
Another WRONG assumption people have about me is that I’m single and sad. No, I’m single by choice. Just because I have singles groups doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be single. And why make fun of someone that is trying to help other people that WANT to find love find someone? Oh, and when they call me dumb and hoodrats, that really makes me laugh. Now, I might have grown up in the hood and even still live in the hood but I am by no means a “hoodrat”. And, if I am, I’m an educated one with a good job. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and am a Senior Medical Coder that has the privilege of working from home. So……yeah…..there’s that. People miss the purpose of my groups and the purpose of my groups is to help people to find love and better themselves in the process. With that said, we don’t do a ton of pictures (or “pick me” posts) and we don’t talk about sex except on Saturdays. Who dies from this?
Admin that Don’t Respect You
In my bigger group, I had a co owner. The issue with that was that he didn’t respect me and thought that he MADE the group (carried the group). However, getting bodies in a group is half the battle. In the beginning, you have to keep the group up. YOU have to be the one making the topics because the members are still trying to figure out what kind of group it is that they have been invited to. When we made the group, my goal was to help people to better themselves while looking for love in (and out) of the group. Things were going well until we had to do normal maintenance such as processing member requests. We used to get a TON of member requests. Any time I talked about a subject with him in group chat, he would call me “boss”. I respectfully would ask that he not call me that yet he kept doing it. And it wasn’t that he called me that but you knew he was saying it in a disrespectful manner because he had a problem with me asking him to do what he was supposed to do as an admin. Even after continuously asking him not to, I snapped. I archived the group. Was done. If you can’t work with a team, then don’t make a group.
He was younger and immature. Yet he decided to test me and he just picked the wrong day. It was pretty bad. But then I found out that he had “plants” in the group. I think one of my hate mail pics showed that. Fun times. So he had people in the group to spy on it. For what? To see if we failed because he wasn’t in the group anymore? Who knows but I found that to be very interesting.
Lurkers that Complain
Why come to a group, not be active, but then come in just to complain that they haven’t found someone in the group? Wait! What? Yes, they come out of their little corner to come into the group to say “I haven’t found anyone yet.” Why do you think that is? Do you talk to people or do you just come out for the pictures? Thanks to the search option on Facebook, admin (and members) have the ability to look at how active you are in a group. You would be surprised how inactive people are but expect miracles. We cannot help you if you don’t help yourself. We have a few features that we made available to the members of the group. One of them is Member of the Week where we highlight a member, letting them post their pics and an introduction about themselves and what they want. It’s like pulling teeth to get people to volunteer. We also have a Tiny Chat video chat where members can go and actually talk to people (it gets rid of people claiming that people are Catfish). The people that usually take advantage of these features don’t stay in the group long because they literally find their special someone in the group.
People Don’t Like DIFFERENT
My groups are DIFFERENT and that’s what makes them successful. We focus on the person INSIDE. There is more to us than our shell. People consider me to be a beautiful woman but, as another entry on here states, I’m not perfect and there is so much more to me than my looks. We encourage our members to be observant and pay attention to what people are saying. It shines a light on their personality and then you can go from there. Our active members are dropping like flies and there is a reason for that. In less than 9 months, the original group has: 26 couples (that we know of) which includes one engaged couple and one MARRIED couple. So if “different” isn’t good, I don’t know what to tell people. In the 45 and up group which is younger we have 1 or 2 couples. My new admin, David, is responsible for that.
People balk at how we do things in the group but one cannot say that this method doesn’t work. It does or I would change it up. We have files, vids, and rules but it all goes back to people NOT reading. They just don’t want to do anything for themselves. They want us to do everything for them. Our files and rules are so direct and to the point but people still ask questions that are on them. It really can annoy you. There are times when I have to take a break because people are so lazy and ungrateful. It can wear on you as a person.
When people complain and complain and complain, it is irksome. We used to always have people complain about the content in the group. We constantly tell them that, if they want to see something, they have to DO something. If you don’t want to see the same topics, make topics that you want to see. Then we have those people that complain about topics on our theme days. That cracks me up. We have #seductivesaturday and #selfiesunday. Just about every week, we had someone calling us all kinds of “whores” and “pervs”. Why? Because they didn’t READ THE RULES. It got so bad that the members had to tell the people that complained to read the rules FOR ME. I really appreciate my admin, mods, and the members that are serious. There was a shutdown when they got out of pocket. I got so mad, I archived the group. They can really test your patience. So please believe that making a group is not easy and will take a lot of time and persistence on your part.
Owning Groups is NOT Easy
The problem that I found that I have with my groups is that I care too much and would likely be better off working with smaller groups. Unfortunately, I cannot turn back now as my Singles group has over 5k people (it is decreasing as I am deleting lurkers), the 45 and up group has over 1k members, and then I have a few women’s groups that are more intimate. I don’t have any issues out of them.
Having a group is like a full time job sometimes but you have to really care about the people to endure it. Seeing the couples come out of groups that are your brain child is beautiful and sometimes makes it all worth it…. sometimes.
One thought on “Adventures in Owning a Single’s Group on Facebook”
Some people are just immature. Lurkers are always my favorite.. I enjoy watching them whine with their woe it’s me entitlement. It’s a group, mingle or better yet come up with conversation pieces.. People who are genuinely seeking to make a deeper connection with another person will engage themselves. I definitely admire your passion in creating platforms for people to find love. I myself have a great deal of patience but I would have dropped the group a long time ago. I expect repetition when dealing with children but expect a better reception from adults.. I will say it is beautiful seeing how many people connected because of your groups. Many friendships and relationships have been formed and that’s what matters.