Getting Over a Break Up the ‘Mad Woman’s’ Way

DISCLAIMER (OFF THE BAT):  DO NOT GO AND DO ANY OF THIS AND THEN GO TO THE POLICE WHEN YOU’RE ON SNAPPED AND SAY I GAVE YOU THE IDEA.  I DID NOT!!!!

Ahem, now let’s discuss break ups.  It feels as if I had a break up after three years on and off with a man that I was interested in.  I was the only one interested in anything but that was my fault.  Anyhow, I gained a brain this week and told him that I was done playing games and that I knew he didn’t want a relationship with me.

They say that when you end a relationship (or whatever it is that we had because, according to his definition, we weren’t dating although we spent every weekend together for the past 4 or so months THIS year and had dealt with one another three years on and off) you’re supposed to grieve as if someone has died.  So here are the steps for dealing with a break up the Mad Woman way:

SCREAM AND CRY

Look, this is a hard time.  It’s a time when you really are just mad at the world.  You start crying and throwing things because you can.  You can. And it’s alright to scream and cry.  You have every reason.  Think about all the time you wasted on this dude.  Yea, you wasted it because it didn’t pan out to anything.  You could’ve been on POF or OK Cupid talking to another dude.  You could’ve been doing some productive shit but you gave all your time and attention to this dude that didn’t even want you for the long haul. He was just playing.  Sucks don’t it? Sometimes screaming and crying to songs that let you scream and cry are good things.  Here’s a list:

1) Caught Out There – Kelis

2) If You Think You’re Lonely Now – K Ci

3) Alone – Dru Hill (OMG, PLEASE listen to this song if you don’t know it.  It’s GREAT!)

4) A Cappella – Karmin

5) Fuck You – Cee Lo Green

6) I Just Don’t Give a Fuck – Eminem

You usually can do a lot of cussing and yelling when you’re hurt.  If you’re hurt at the demise of your relationship, well, this is the perfect time to curse, scream and cry.  Let it out.  It’s best to do it this way or you might find your way to his house to puncture his tires, key his car, kill his dog, pour gasoline on him and light him up, etc.  And we don’t want this.

GET RID OF EVERYTHING HE GAVE YOU AND DEMAND BACK EVERYTHING YOU GAVE HIM

Now this can be good or bad.  If you let him keep the things that you gave to him, he can use them to get you back. Yes, men like to play games to get you back.  I have an ex who still has my lingerie at his house.  Every once in a while, he calls and says “You gonna come and get your stuff?”  No, I’m not going to come and get my stuff because that means I would have to see you and I don’t want to see you.  If you have ANYTHING of his, give it back to him.  Just give it to him.  You don’t want memories.  I had a book from the guy that just kicked me to the curb.  Last weekend (because I knew where this was going), I gave him his book back.  I put it right in his book shelf.  I didn’t want to have any ties to him because I knew what was coming.  No ties.  He still has a pair of my underwear though. Just the panties. It was part of a set.  I asked him for it back.  I asked him to mail them to me.  I doubt I’ll get them but I will be happy if I do.

The really smart thing to do is to plan your break up exit plan in advance.  Had I really planned, I could’ve gotten those damn panties back. They weren’t cheap, man.  I started wearing more lingerie for him because he liked to see me in them and liked peeling me out of them.  Yeah, I’m still kind of bitter about this but it has only been a week and he told me that he would send them.  LOL

TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT HIM SO THEY CAN TELL YOU ABOUT HOW THEY HATED HIM THE WHOLE TIME

I don’t have many friends BUT the friends that I do have know the whole story about this guy.  They actually were telling me to leave him alone for a while.  But I was in love and love makes you stupid sometimes.  So I’ll own that I was stupid. I told my few friends about the demise of the “relationship” and they reminded me that I shouldn’t have gotten back with this idiot in the first place.  I respect them for keeping their comments to themselves when we were “together” and now I am ready to hear the barrage of truth that comes from their lips.  Look, sometimes your friends try to tell you things and you don’t want to hear it.  NOW is the time to listen.  These very same friends will be the ones that you can call or text when you feel like calling or texting him.  Because you know you’re going to want to. You’re either going to want to to let him know how much you hate, love, are obsessed with him, etc OR you’re going to do something stupid. Don’t do anything stupid.  Your friends won’t let you.  So tell them about the break up and let them comfort you in your time of need.  That’s what friends are for.

I actually had to utilize my friends recently because I wanted to text ole boy and ask him why he couldn’t just lov me.  I was going to plead with him and beg him to choose me over the exes that he found to be more important than me.  I, however, went on Facebook and told my girlfriends that I really wanted to text him and was not “DON’T DO IT!”  You have to have these people behind you or you’ll make an utter and complete fool of yourself.  And NO ONE wants to look like a fool.

IGNORE YOUR FRIENDS AND TEXT OR CALL HIM ANYWAY

So my friends told me not to text him and I texted him anyway. LMAO!  And OMG, I texted him during Scandal, my favorite show EVER.  This is the time when you are weak and/or sometimes drunk. I wasn’t drunk though so there’s no reason I can give for sending that damn text.  But I did.  I did. And I admit it.  I sent the text trying to figure out how he could do me that way.  LOL  We got into an argument and then I came out of it smiling.  I smiled because it further proved that it was best for me to leave him alone. Sometimes you need that last gut kick to finish you off and understand that you weren’t thinking when you got with this man.  Something took over your brain and shut it off. It allowed you to be docile while someone took your heart and stomped it into the ground.

CRY SOME MORE

Soon, everything will remind you of him.  If you see a Playstation commercial, you might just bust out crying because the fool used to play games on it.  Going to IHOP might make you cry because you used to go every Sunday with him.  Maybe dogs will make you cry because he had a dog.  And don’t have a child because your child will start asking about him.  I had to tell my daughter that my friend wouldn’t be around anymore. This is why you usually don’t bring men around your children but I knew this man for three years.  You’ll start to wonder what he’s doing and if he’s even thinking about you. He likely isn’t. He’s probably playing the game that you purchased for him with some new broad that he left you for while you’re sitting around crying about it. He might even be putting your panties on a new woman.  Ew right?  You never know with these dudes.  LOL

GET OVER IT

This is not the end of the world.  The best thing you can do at this point is LEARN from this relationship, re evaluate yourself, and get over it.  Your next potential relationship depends on it.  In order to better in the future, you have to learn from the past. Just make sure not to repeat the same mistakes.  You will find yourself back in this situation and who wants to go through these steps?  It’s not fun.  When you cry, you lose weight and start to look all ugly and stuff.  You stop eating.  No one wants to do all that.  Don’t let anyone make you into a crybaby zombie. No one wants a crybaby zombie.

Pick yourself up off the floor, look in the mirror, and say “Look at me! What IDIOT would treat me less than?”  Then look at his old pics and laugh.  LAUGH at him.  He should be LUCKY to have someone as FINE and FUN as you.  Then you have to delete delete delete!!!!!

DELETE DELETE DELETE!!!!!!

If you were friends with him on Facebook, DELETE!!!!  If you have his number in your phone, DELETE!!!!  If you have his email address, DELETE!!!!  You don’t need a means to get into contact with him because he’s not worth your time.  Hell, delete AND block him while you’re at it.  I deleted and blocked the idiot on Facebook because I know he likes to look at my pics. You don’t get that privilege anymore sir.  You’re BLOCKED!  I’m sure he has plenty of pics of me in his phone and I wish I had some kind of friend like Nolan from Revenge to hack his phone and delete everything but I don’t. So I’ll live with the thought that that idiot that didn’t want me is jerking off to pics of me in his phone or iPad.  Oh well, I know he’ll never forget me. LOL  I guess that’s something to take solace in.

In the end, the demise of any relationship is not usually one sided.  You have to take responsibility for your role in the demise of any relationship that ends.  Two people are in the relationship, not just you and not just him.  Once you understand this fact, you can grow in learning how to move on and to pursue something with someone else.  Maybe you’ll see the signs better next time.  Maybe you’ll put more effort into the next man.  Maybe you’ll learn more about your partner to prevent this from happening again. But, there’s really no way to KNOW that a relationship will last or not as you cannot control both parties in a relationship.  You can only control yourself.

Love is a tricky beast that many have tried to tame.  Some win and some lose.  Until then, take some time out for yourself. Take up a new hobby.  Have fun with your friends (that you likely forgot while you were in your relationship). You might notice that relationships aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.  Time alone is part of the healing and there’s NOTHING wrong with being alone.

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