Maybe I’m NOT that Great of a Catch!

So I left Ok Cupid alone for a while and decided late last week to go ahead and try Plenty of Fish.  Would you like to hear about THAT experience? Okay, POF is like Ok Cupid on steroids.  I think there are WAYYYY more members on POF than there are on Ok Cupid. I don’t know how I feel about that but yeah….maybe that’s why my title works in this case.  LOL

Anyhow, I’m on POF and I’ve seen a lot of things. It’s usually the same thing with people throwing their numbers out at you and the like.  I’ve noticed a lot of very attractive men on the site and I’ve even started communication with them.  Some answer me and some don’t.  What makes it worse when they DON’T answer you is when you see that they went to your page and STILL didn’t say anything to you.

Do you know how that makes a person feel?  Hey, according to society, I’m attractive.  So I have a problem when someone that I actually stuck my lil neck out to speak to doesn’t even speak back.  But shoot, what if they DID speak back and told me I wasn’t their type?  Would that make it any better?  I guess not so I’ll live.

But that leads me to what I was really musing about to even make this blog today.  I was reading some of my profile and maybe I do come off a bit scary.  I sound aggressive but I’m one of those people that know what they want.  There are a lot of men out here that claim that women don’t know what they want but when she TELLS you that she knows what she wants and breaks it down for you, you’re scared.  You start to think that she’s too much woman for you.  I can tell you what I want and what I won’t accept.

Well, What DO You Want?

I would like a man that is attentive, caring, loving, accepting of my daughter and I, confident in himself (but not arrogant), and observant to name a few things.  An attentive man doesn’t have to be told everything.  An observant man doesn’t either because he pays attention to the woman that he’s interested in or with and kind of stays ahead of the game.  I can say I dated ONE man that did that and I almost married him.  There were days when I would just get hit with exactly what I wanted out of the blue. He KNEW me so well that he could tell what I was interested in. I NEVER got a useless gift from that man and he ALWAYS let me know that he was thinking about me.  Had I appreciated that, I wouldn’t be here right now lamenting my singleness OR be on POF or Ok Cupid in the first place.  You don’t find that type of man on those sites because a SMART woman has already snatched him up.

I want a man that lets me know that he cherishes me, respects me, and craves my love in return.  No one likes a one sided relationship. It’s not fun and it doesn’t last.  There are more things that I want but I would be typing all day. And, although I can type near 95wpm, I don’t think you guys want to read all that.

Now, back to what I was saying about me NOT being a great catch.  I’ve done some self evaluation (I do this a lot actually) and I noticed that I am a bit difficult.  In addition to being difficult, I can be a bit stubborn. If things aren’t done my way, I just say “Forget it” and bounce (not in relationships, I mean with these men on the dating sites).


Men that give me their phone numbers within the first two days of them even beginning to talk to me annoy me. I will just stop talking to you if you do so.  IN MY DEFENSE, however, I say it in my profile.  If they READ my profile, which is essentially a How To for Kendra, they would KNOW NOT to do it.  Yet, some of them do it anyway.

There is a LOT of useful information in my profile.  It’s so useful.  It tells you the consequences of your stupid actions.  Ask me my name when it’s at the beginning of the profile AND in parentheses next to my screen name and I’ll question your level of intelligence.  Is that wrong?  Maybe it is.

A few of the guys that have worked up the confidence to approach me let me know that I am kind of scary. I guess I should be that soft, gentle, dummy that lets men run the same game on her.  I don’t know.  If I can’t be myself on the site, then why be on it in the first place?

Then there was an incident with a VERY attractive, educated man that had his profile stating that he doesn’t want kids and doesn’t have kids.  Well, why are we talking again?  My friends on Facebook feel that I didn’t give the man any credit. Well, I have a child with special needs and if you don’t have kids and don’t want kids, that leads me to believe we’re not going to work out.  Some of my friends said that I was overreacting.  But I’m sorry, in Mama Bear Mode, my daughter comes first.  Why even start a conversation with someone that you know isn’t really going to work out with your child that you are here to protect?  Well, I didn’t STOP talking to him, I gave him a chance to explain himself. He just chose NOT to explain himself.  So that was the end of that.  I don’t think I was being a jerk though.  And I personally would like another go at being a mom.  I would like to have a husband by my side this time but I would still like to have a chance to do it again.

I’m not sure what my future is going to be on the sites as everyone is in such a RUSH to meet.  Maybe their clocks are ticking (I made a previous blog about that).  But you can’t rush a relationship like that.  You might set yourself up to be in an unhappy marriage playing around like that.  I’m not dating for fun, I’m dating for keeps.  So, if I’m giving you my number, and allowing you to interact with me all day every day, I have to at least know you enough and LIKE you enough to give you my number.  Sure, you can block people but why do all that?  How about you keep your number private until you’re sure you want that person to have access to you?  I see nothing wrong with that.

And even with the stipulations that I have put out there for people, some still try to interact with me and make it known that they would like to meet me.

The Problem With That

Yeah….this is where the whole “single mom” thing comes into play.  I don’t have time to myself to just go on these dates with men at their whim. Most of these men are part time fathers or not fathers at all.  Because I’m a responsible mom, I’m not letting my daughter meet any of them, and I’m not just pawning her off on people to meet some dude that I haven’t talked to for longer than a week.  So this is another issue.

In the end, I really don’t think I should even be on dating sites. Until I can get some things together, get my own place, and get my daughter squared away, this is just a waste of time. And I sure don’t want to waste my time or others. See, this is what you get for being a responsible, objective, and honest person.  Go figure.

Published by tallgirl79

Blogging about life. Well, my life. As a black, bipolar, mom to a teenager with special needs, well, there is always a story to tell. From my aversion to having a man to my weird experiences while trying to avoid people, it's all there. Being me is.... different but it always makes for good blogs.

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