Times Are HARD

You know times are hard when you have to tell your therapist to hold your check until next Thursday because you have no money. 

You know times are hard when you contemplate hitting the stripper pole to make some money.

You know times are hard when you plan to pay things late so as not to be overdrawn at the bank.

I’m sure there are many more.  My girls and I speak on them often. It’s just a shame how you can have a job, work your ass off, and have NOTHING to show for it.  Times are hard.  They call us the “working poor”.  I was told this not too long ago.  You can make over $40k, pay everything on time, and have no real debt, and still NOT be able to pay rent on a piece of shit apartment in the hood. Welcome to my reality.  It has to be fun.  Anything that usually can go wrong for me usually goes wrong.  Example:   I established paternity for my daughter but the loser “lost” his job.  Another example:  I used to be one of those people that would try to see the best in every situation.  One day, I was like “At least I have a job”.  That same day, I lost said job.  There was a time when I was driving to work one day and said to myself “Things are looking up”.  Two days later, the practice I was working for closed down. I have many more examples of this.  I’m not a negative person but I have learned from experience that things don’t always work out for me.  I appreciate what I have on a daily basis because I know that they can easily be taken away from me.  I no longer will pinpoint what I’m thankful though.  It’s just something I had to learn NOT to do after having things taken from me as soon as I said I appreciated them.  I never get too happy when things happen to go my way.  Because I learned that things might be too much like right and will soon fall through. 

 

It’s not about being a negative person.  It’s about knowing your limitations.  I appreciate what I have but I’m not gonna run around talking about them.  LOL.  If I ever get a man, I’m not telling the world “Oh, you can have a great man like me that will make you feel alive.”  You know I did that in 2010 and that dude turned around and stomped my heart into a puddle, pissed on it, shit on it, rode over it with his truck, got the girl that he stopped talking to me for to spit on it, shit on it, and throw dirt on it as well.  I just sit and keep my mouth shut now. They say that God and life have a way of humbling you.  I guess he’s trying to teach me something that he doesn’t think I’ve learned yet.  You KNOW it’s bad when your family, friends, and therapists are like “You just can’t catch a break.”  Life sucks and then you die.  Don’t worry, I’ve thought about ending it a number of times.  BUT, I think I’ve said it before, if I did, I’d be the idiot to mess up the suicide.  I’d be paralyzed and pissed while my daughter would continue to run me ragged (in a wheelchair, mind you) and I’d still be living with my parents.  Yes, welcome to the tortured mind of a person that keeps fighting but has no reason why she’s fighting exactly.  Good times.  LOL 

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