Good Moms

Well, it’s almost Mother’s Day and I know people like to celebrate the moms and all that good stuff (I STARTED writing this before Mother’s Day and it is now 5/19, yes, I know I suck at this). It’s hard being a good mom sometimes. Great moms make it look easy but it’s really hard work. Think about it, moms sacrifice a LOT to provide for their children. Single moms do without a LOT of things, in many cases, to take care of their children. If anyone watched the Kevin Durant accept his MVP Award, you would see how he stated that his mom was the true MVP.

The plight of the single mom is something that usually gets pushed under the table by people that yell “Well, she chose to be a single mom” or “She should’ve known what she was getting into when she had unprotected sex”. Whether we chose to be single or not, we chose to take responsibility for our lack of judgment (if you will) and lay in the bed we made. So, sure, maybe we could’ve been a better judge of character (in some people’s minds because all people’s stories are certainly NOT the same) but the fact of the matter is that we accepted the consequences of such actions. Can the same be said for some of these men?

There are some very mature men out there that actually are GREAT fathers whether still with the mothers or not. I know quite a few of them and I LOVE to see them post or take pics with their children. A LOT of the men that I personally know have joint custody of their children because they LOVE their children. I think it’s beautiful and I let them know that all the time. Sure, that’s what they were supposed to do but they didn’t HAVE to do it like many of their counterparts who chose NOT to do so. So I truly appreciate men like that. Makes my heart smile. It shows that they accept the consequence of their actions as well.

Women, however, are expected to be in the child’s life off the bat. Of course this is the case because we house the babies for months and grew an attachment to the child as we are to do instinctively. We would move heaven and earth for our children (in most cases outside of the women with some sort of mental illness that doesn’t allow them to do so).

In my case, I would move heaven and earth to take care of my daughter. I would also endure negative comments by society (and sometimes even my own family) to do what is best for my daughter. I live with my parents because I want my daughter to have the necessities that I likely wouldn’t be able to provide for her alone. Why? I don’t get any monetary or physical support from my daughter’s father. Sure, I picked him. I’ll own that. But he chose not to be in his child’s life. That’s on him and he will have to deal with that with whatever God he serves. Living with my parents is NOT fun at all but it has to be done right now. I go without freedom, I deal with constant critique and criticism, etc. It’s hard but I’ll do what it takes to make my daughter happy. My clothes and shoes have holes in them and I don’t mind as long as my daughter has clothes on her back and food in her belly.

Like Kevin Durant’s mother, I’ve gone without eating so as not to hear the mouth of my parents. You do what you have to do when it comes to your child. Everything I do is for her. I don’t date because of my daughter. My “vacations” consist of me watching some Netflix or a reality show here and there. I don’t go out of town. I don’t go on shopping sprees. Anything I do, I with WITH my daughter. I rarely even ask people to watch my daughter for me. Why? Because I get judged. Yes, sometimes I get judged for just wanting some time to myself. Or just wanting to go to a movie without a child yelling or holding her ears. It’s HARD out here. People don’t get it.

In the end, I’m just ranting. It’s never a complaint. It’s the bed that I made and I accept it. I told a guy that is interested in me the other day, I’ve resigned myself to that fact. Any man that would like to be in a relationship with me, would have to be in one with my daughter and I. Maybe that’s why I’m single. It’s hard enough to date with a child but it’s even harder to date when you have a child with special needs. Maybe I’ll get some respite one day. Until then, I’ll just write about my feelings on here, continue to work for the benefit of my daughter, and live my life day to day. Thanks for reading.

Published by tallgirl79

Blogging about life. Well, my life. As a black, bipolar, mom to a teenager with special needs, well, there is always a story to tell. From my aversion to having a man to my weird experiences while trying to avoid people, it's all there. Being me is.... different but it always makes for good blogs.

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